Category: Letters to you

Poem: Sent from heaven

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Poem: Sent from heaven

You’ve got me fucked up
(You’re no one in particular)
I’m collapsing in fever dreams
I’m weighed down by the fabric
You could ask me about life and I’ll tell you it’s tragic
I wish I could feel euphoria like he does when he’s manic


We separate in altercations, bruises as big as a nation
You punch me in my throat just to watch me choke
Lillies in the garden in Houston
I saw your missed calls
I was too busy reading about the physics of waterfalls
If the water could wash my sins away I wouldn’t be any different
I wish I could feel euphoria like he does when he’s manic

I love dual-toned pickup trucks cos I love things that are fucked up
I’d write out my speech but I can tell you have had enough
I don’t like to share my thoughts out loud
I color your hair blonde, you stare in the mirror & frown
You hate yourself most when you’re lost in a crowd
I can’t feel myself breathing
I hope to God death is coming now
Please, God
Please

Fiber glass like serene amphetamines
I knew it’d only get worse when I left my iridescent teens
I’d drive on the highway
Close my eyes
Pray they don’t show me on the news
No one would be surprised
Feeling alone is an understatement but it’s my second nature
And I’ll write your worst character flaws down on crisp white paper
I want to be dressed in my favourite gown
God forbid they find me naked
I used to think one day in my twenties, I’d make it

I’m not lost or confused
I am led to think that in this life it is I who is to choose
I make my decisions best on a porch swing
I told you a thousand times to pack your things
If you find yourself in prison I said you know who to ring
And if I picked up would you be upset
Would you damage my ruins because I left
Spent a lot of time apart, me I spent the time in thought
I had reasons to like myself but shortly after I forgot


My best friend isn’t my friend anymore
These things are transient, nothing I’m of more sure
People leave because they’re make-believe
I hid somewhere deep in your treasure chest
Curled up in your father’s grey sweater that you love the best
I’m a soft dove, here I arranged a little nest
Every question I have, you treat like a test
When I took hint of the absence in your brown eyes
I began to admire the curved shape of my thighs
And I could hardly taste the sour sting of your lies
Validation from you is not something I ever looked for
The smooth r&b in this bar makes me realize that was a mistake
But if anybody ever loves me I will feel that it’s fake
I’m sent from heaven but for this world I’m not quite made


I drive down the highway to Texas in the pitch black night with my eyes closed
I don’t have my headlights on
The roads start to spin and I disengage within
I’d make such a beautiful corpse but would my father ever see?

Was living this life meant to be?
In the middle of nowhere is the only place I can speak

God, I love amphetamines
If I’m found and my eyes are rolled back, you know it was meant to be

Hell means nothing to me.


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Love poem: Work phone (could have)

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Love poem: Work phone

Originally titled: Scattered in assembly, grief like parasites

Let’s see if the other songs make me feel the same
In the summer you would wildly bake
I’m making cookies for you
I’m so wrapped up
I’m losing track of time
The thought of you along with me for the ride sounds mighty sweet
Peaches in the summertime
Salt underneath the white sunlight

You tell me I have a way with words
I don’t talk to you

I been trying to find a band that makes music like yours does
If it’s snowing outside, then I’ll know it
If you’re hopeful about us, I hope you show it
Ambivalent remarks
I have a reason to be mad
But you know I don’t like to get like that
The soft, almost hypnotic but still remaining delicate, haze leaves embers that are more like satin than I could envision, truly
Truly I won’t ever forget about you
Even when I’m in my bedroom and there’s nothing else to do
I draw fine point flowers, the ways you liked
You’d carry your bike up the stairs
You were the perfect height

Underneath that tree that looks like a willow tree, but it’s not
Yeah, I get caught in my fears
And yeah, I haven’t heard your voice in years
I go to the market and buy flowers for none other than myself
I’m so selfish, it seems
I’m not who you want me to be
I’m so much better & I decided against writing you a letter
You probably never get the mail

I was so shy the whole time
But I wasn’t tearing myself apart inside
A healthy alarm
A life on a Midwest farm
In Chicago I always felt sad for the horses carrying the carriages
& I thought about how beautiful marriage is

I’m obsessive over pearl white highlighter for my cheeks
You could have called me from your work phone
If you wanted it that badly, you could have called me from your work phone
I don’t count the numbers when I’m cycling down the street
I have your first song on repeat
I love that you wrote it about me

Go back when, go back when trails were fierce
My blouse, then, on fire, ashes coating my decay
It felt so bad
It felt so bad
You didn’t notice I missed you when I’d find myself next to empty space
You couldn’t have known, just call me on the phone
You could’ve called me from your work phone

I was scared that when the clouds would disappear my imagination would be as the vacant sky
Vast, open land
Ill-fated farmer’s tan
Picking strawberries, with you they were so sweet
I asked if you knew what you were doing to me
Our secret spot by the bar with the brutal death metal concert posters all over the walls
I loved you when I was in hell
Thousands of secrets I never got to tell
Nothing you have is from me to keep
I only sing to you when you’re falling asleep

Coat me in amphetamines
Coat me in amphetamines
One of us knows each other the best
The darkness fades away, I put it to rest
Flourish in the marine ecosystem like I just learned how to swim and I feel like I never ever want to stop
Yeah, I know about mirror neurons
And I know my long blue dress turns you on
I remember all of our songs
I knew what was under the rug all along
I only pretended to misplace your things

You never got ahold of me
You never got ahold of me
Not saying goodbye was awfully bold of me
That’s not what I’m like, but my mind just changed
Summers covered with insurmountable levels of pain
Everything adds up
You won’t catch up
Coat me in amphetamines
You could have called me from your work phone

You could have called











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Poem about love: My John Wayne boy

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Poem about love: My John Wayne boy

You said you never feel lonely
I could never get over that

We learned in class about some of your traits
An offbeat tendency to act relentless with your rage
The time capsules get dimmer the more we age
Born awkward and sour
The man finds his power
Resting on golden wings of a tranquil dreamscape
Favourite thing to do is to make pretty girls wait
All the right looks, though never able to relate
Slips through fractures, a constant change in state
How can it be this impossible to communicate
You locked all the doors and I can’t escape

 

With my love, my love
My patience, my love
My network of genes that cast shadows and glimpses
Upon me like several hundred suns
Making sure I am perceptible to the common eye
The idealist way of living
Captured stones and the complications of modern-day decision-making
Moons I don’t know the names of
Wait for the right moment
Wait for it to feel right
I promise I’m only made of immeasurable love
It just doesn’t matter, that’s what I was afraid of

Treating girls like you’re the man himself, John Wayne
Laconic, bashful, wading in the wash
Walking ‘round town like there’s something on your mind
Always looking down but never checking behind
The childlike part of you always so afraid
Couldn’t stop wondering what made a man that way
I got nine-hundred-ninety dollars and I want a new amp
You spent your life dreaming of the things you can’t have
At night your back hurts, no amount of pills for that
You spent your life savings wanting wealth so bad

Always stuck choosing between sweeter or sour

I look at you with fresh eyes
You don’t mirror my gaze
I count your neurotransmitters, tell you which are out of phase
Never tell you the number
I know you’re scared, my boy
I spent years trying to convince you life is for us to enjoy
But I’m just a girl, and you’re just a boy
I’m just a girl, and you’re just a boy
My lingering look unsettles you

Patience is for the people that simply can’t handle it
If you want to start over, you will have to manage it
Before your day trips come full circle, you can’t abandon it
Nobody got love by simply demanding it
I know a thing or two about vinyl & coffee ice cream
I could write an anthology filled with my daydreams
It’s nice on paper when nobody can hear your screams

In the rose garden we were seemingly scared of nothing
I couldn’t get my eyes off the deep green trees
The whole way home
Whatever you’ve got inside, you’ll never show
Those aren’t husband qualities – I know, you know
Have you ever thought of what it could be like to come home

You said you never feel lonely
I could never get over that
Rest your head, go to sleep
Think of love, try to imagine it

You don’t know what to think of
You don’t know what to think of
You don’t know what to think of
You don’t know what to think of

I could write an anthology filled with my daydreams
It’s nice on paper when nobody can hear your screams

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Poem: Ash blonde hair on smooth, pale skin

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Poem: Ash blonde hair on smooth, pale skin

I don’t want to lie to you
I’m not that way, I don’t do that
You’re made of vengeance, I don’t unfold when I’m sad
Trust me when I say I wanted this so bad
It hit me like icing
Rotten glaciers
Terrified me, left me anxious
You kept count when we exchanged favours
But you’re at zero, and I was only a replacement

Within the rosebud,
I find my own hypnotic sentiment
My own catastrophic, magnificent scene
Tell me you’ll believe my secrets are true
Because honey –
I could never lie to you
In an effort to be honest,
Though you already forgot it
I’m more the kind of girl you remember until the end


The morning sun has got me feeling some type of way
I rehearse in my head, the convergent things I once could say
I wanted to celebrate with you in May
But I came clean – 
I told you God made me this way. 
Lilacs in the garden,
Birch branches, my god
The warm sunshine told me something I kept repeating in my mind
If you need to do it for yourself, you have to leave this man behind
(Keeping us strong, for the longest time I tried)
I can’t do this differently, I made a promise to the sky
I’m leaving empty-handed,
Though renewed and drip-dry

I sit on the cobblestone and find it hard to believe
That I’m packing my things, finally opting to leave
As this detriment took hold of my darkest fears
It took me quite possibly four thousand years
And you’re not the type to show your tears
That’s part one of why I had to go
I’m leaving it somewhere here, so you can know
Basic things to want, a natural, golden glow
(I’m old-fashioned –
I want compassion)
I want love that’s not inherently tragic
That makes this parting not the saddest
I want someone to look at me like I’m magic

(Please don’t become angry)

Leave flowers on my grave
Say sorry for your ways
Try your best to behave
Think of me in this way


Ash blonde hair on smooth, pale skin
Finds it kind of funny when she happens to sin
Sees everything for what it is
No matter how bad, finds it hard not to reminisce
Took several months to figure out the lies
Took several more to finalize a goodbye
Writes in prose for nobody in particular to read
At home in the snow, but quite fond of the heat
Got the song I used to send you on repeat


I can finally listen to its loveliness again
It doesn’t hurt anymore like it did back then
I capitalize on the meaning, listen until the end
It doesn’t hurt anymore like it did back then

I’m more the kind of girl you remember until the end
It doesn’t hurt anymore like it did back then
As much as I’d like to inform you, I won’t click send

Because honey –
I could never lie to you
I’m the kind of girl you remember until the end



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Poem: Baby-blue automobiles

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Poem: Baby-blue automobiles (yeah, you)

I ask you, “then how come we aren’t together?”
While you put your cigarette out in the pocket of your sweater,
And I think you’re confused
No way out, know I’ll lose
It’s not like I’ve given every last chance straight to you

Vintage baby-blue automobiles
Crystals, fragrance
Modern, ancient
Total & never-ending disengagement
Yeah, I meant it
Otherwise, I wouldn’t have said it
Vintage baby-blue automobiles
Hot like you’re burning, red hot wheels
I’ve already memorized how me leaving is supposed to feel

Sliding down playgrounds with a grey balloon in my hand
Wearing my Chicago Cubs baseball cap because I’m their biggest fan
You make fun of how pale I am, how I never seem to tan
It’s like this
It’s like this
Turn towards me
Turn towards me
One soft lock of hair, boy with a nosebleed

It’s like this
It’s like this
Just sit still
(Just stay still)
Mornings sitting on the hood of your car
Talking about how in our lives we haven’t made it very far
Vintage baby-blue automobiles
Prove to me that this time your love will be real
Promise and don’t lie that like summer, I will feel
Turn towards me
Turn towards me

It’s like this
It’s like this
Just sit still
(Fucking stay still!)
Mornings sitting on the trunk of your car
Talking about how, baby, you’re gonna be a star
Vintage baby-blue automobiles
Swear to me that this time your love will be real
Promise and don’t lie that the ocean will turn me surreal
Make me feel hopeless

You’re perfect
So worth it
You’re perfect
So worth it

You hurt me
On purpose
You’re perfect
So worth it

On purpose
So worthless

You’re perfect
So worthless
Baby-blue automobiles

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