Category: Blues

Poem: Bellflower Blvd

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Poem: Bellflower Blvd

Oh, you have no idea of what’s wrong with me
Cos I got a whole long list for ya
But I don’t share it with anyone
I let them find out for themselves
They often don’t
So I can keep my secrets in the amethyst cave
The one that was built just for me
The one they’ll bury me in, in my grave

A lifted, matte black four-by-four driving right over me
Peeling all the smoked cigarettes straight out of yours truly,
I know I look petite, look small, look sweet
But there’s something hidden inside of me that’s so unruly
I am not scared of it – how could I be?
It’s part of me
I don’t think you should be either
George fixed my truck, and he made it real nice
But he drove it over and over straight over me
On a cold, hard, self-manufactured repeat

Poem: Bellflower Blvd (continued)

A large onyx black pickup truck that came with flowers
Baby’s Breath and off-road excellence
Bellflower Blvd is where the finish line is
It’s the name of my dog that I miss like I do Heaven’s remorse
And I can get some quick gains if I gamble right
But I always miss the mark on purpose
Climbing into rabbit holes just to see what’s inside,
If I wasn’t who I am, I’d have so many reasons to hide

Cos I’m tough in the way only a rose bush can be
I see the way that strangers look at me
And I don’t mind if I have to be the only one to believe
In what I am capable of being,
A fruit tree in the middle of nowhere
Pomelos left on the side of the road
That someone was selling but
Forgot about

Poem: Bellflower Blvd (continued)

The people in the car next to me at the stop light
They don’t know why I’m crying about this song.
The people in the car next to me at the stop light
They don’t care why I’m crying to this song
They don’t know why I’m crying about this song
The people in the car next to me at the stop light
They don’t know
It’s Bellflower Blvd

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Poem: Flammable girl in a perfect world

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Poem: Flammable girl in a perfect world

I hope when you think of me, you picture a
Stunning ballerina twirling around fever dreams
& made up things
Extrapolating conversations we have had
To much bigger situations
I live inside my head
Constantly create
& sometimes hope follows delusion
Into the most magnificent cave,
I do agree, this is the perfect recipe for heartbreak
While I am only getting stronger,
There’s only so much more that I can take

So I keep bouncing off the walls
The audience soaks it in
They love it all
Never a compliment in the paper
That’s where you come in
And to no one’s surprise at all
That’s the trap I fell in

Poem: Flammable girl in a perfect world [continued]

I fell in on purpose
Oh my goodness, I loved it
You made me so nervous
Holding my breath, I hated it

I wanted to show you my life
Share everything with you
I wanted to show you my life
Everything I said was true

But not from you
And to no one’s surprise at all
That was the trap I fell in
I wanted to seek comfort
In something that was melting
The entire mansion was on fire
I happily stayed inside
These are my own choices
This is exactly why I’ve cried

Poem: Flammable girl in a perfect world [continued]

I wanted to show you my life
The entire mansion was on fire
Nothing’s more beautiful than a girl in flames
I think it’s time I stop believing this is fun and games

Listening to you say my name
Listening to you say my name
Listening to you say my name
Everything is more beautiful when it’s up in flames
I was so happy to stay
Everything is more beautiful when it’s up in flames
But when the fun is over,
All you’re staring at is just decay

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Poem: Kind sentiments

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Poem: Kind sentiments

I wish I could tell you, that it’s killing me
All of these unborn strawberries
Trying to get sunlight with some vitamin D
Wishing I could fall asleep with you holding me

Ambivalence is the trademark of all heartbreak
It ignores the sweetness that my coffee tastes like
I’m taking care of my own well-being
But there are shameful parts of me that you have seen
If only we could stand
Right outside
Sun rays beating down on the asphalt ground
Could have flowers in my hands
You, laughing quietly
Because we get along better than anything

Poem: Kind sentiments(continued)

Everything beautiful in my surroundings
Seems so fleeting to me now
I watch the little ducks
As they awkwardly call out
My friend told me to distract myself
But that’s not how I operate
In my dreams, I see you standing outside your car, at my front gate.

I wish I could tell you, exactly how I feel
But you have more pressing matters for which to deal
So I write kind notes to myself
Tape them onto my bedroom mirror
Say these things out loud
Choose confidence to fight the fear

Poem: Kind sentiments (continued)

I want
To curl up
Into
A little ball
Just like my foster dog
Where I am safe
And warm
And small

And these kinds of things don’t hurt at all.

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Poem: Boiling water (January)

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Poem: Boiling water (January)

I
Feel
Dangerously
Close
To losing all the control I never had to begin with, in a heartbeat
I wanted to
Laugh
Wearing a wedding dress
On my patio with a cup of tea
And all the melancholy from January would have been swept away like last year’s rain
The lack thereof which drenched my city with fire

The ashes smelled
Comforting
To those who were not affected

Poem: Boiling water (January) [continued]

Like a campfire
In the forest
I think I was about seven or nine
When I last went to bed on time
I’ve been trying to take care
Of an anarchist’s body
Melted my hand on crystals of aspartame

I think
We do
Or do not
Belong
Where we think
We currently
Are
And that
Is not
A song
I want
To write.

Poem: Boiling water (January) [continued]

I don’t like ambivalence in others
But certainty to me fits a stepwise fashion
I check my email now, dad, are you proud
I can see the way she looks at me and I hate it
Can’t change it
It’s like I’m decaying
I wanted to make January so beautiful that it would make angels cry
Oh my goodness, I tried
I miss seeing you all alive
I’d laugh at your jokes a million more times
Join you guys in the swimming pool because
Body insecurity
Takes the form of a guilt trip
When you missed out on the life they’re missing out on now

The ashes smelled
Comforting
To those who were not affected

Now I sit on the grass near my patio
With an empty cup
Because I never actually managed to heat the water.

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Poem: Noise

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Poem: Noise

If you couldn’t tell
If you couldn’t tell
If you couldn’t tell

I’m spinning around like I’m in the dryer at a laundromat
The ladies and gentlemen walk by
They don’t check up on me like that
Now I don’t even remember how
To get you to react
It seems like my silence
Is doing enough for the pact

Poem: Noise (continued)

Now how come you can’t tell
How come you can’t tell

That one of my favourite artists dropped an album
All I really thought about was you
Listening to each track on the record
Thinking of you punching your fist through the wall
That we had just painted
And me, jaw on the floor
Incredibly amazed at
What I had created

Poem: Noise (continued)

If you couldn’t tell
Now how come you couldn’t tell

I’d go sit at your desk, like a little doll
Spin around in circles in your armchair
Feeling faint
And small
You liked calling me that
Made you feel something too
I think it should be the other way,
But I feel so indebted to you

Poem: Noise (continued)

Now how come I couldn’t tell
How come I couldn’t see
Everything that we did
Had really nothing to do with me
Now how come I couldn’t tell
How come I couldn’t feel
Everything that we did
None of it was very real

None of it was very real
To begin with
Just
Noise

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