Tag: poetryporn

Poem: Little baby bat (February)

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Poem: Little baby bat (February)

And that’s all that he needs from her
Pretty gal in his Vans t-shirt
“Felt cute,” so I matched it with a plaid skirt
I didn’t think you’d notice; when you didn’t, it still hurt

To know that I
Am not
The important figurine my egotistical self deems me to be
If our destinations were predetermined,
I know you’d still find a way to hurt me on purpose
Was so confused, wondered why I was acting so nervous
Fell into a tar black trap trying to become perfect
I think to myself, was it worth it
If it’s me, you’ll always think less
Doesn’t matter the lip shade or the dress
Doesn’t matter how warm the hostess

The pretty dresses that I bought to look like your housewife
Don’t even fit me anymore since I recovered and came back to life
I don’t think paradise is
Looking at a light pink satin gown
Having daydreams, strolling around town
Nobody to look at, so where I look is down
Beneath the surface, off the edges, your voice is my favourite sound
I hate, hate, hate not having it around
You lost yourself or something, your irrationality is profound
In this parallel universe, a new beginning is what I’ve found
When I think about my love, I kind of love myself now

Ambiguity and confusion
Inspiration and bliss
Hair soft & golden, my perfume is what you’ll miss
The floral soft magnitudes
The strings on your toys
One of your wrong moves was assuming there were any other boys
When the yelling got too heavy, I surrendered to the noise
I never cried in front of you; I held myself with poise
Some things don’t really matter when you don’t have a choice

I recognized a softness
In you, but it was me
I’m the girl with pastel colours, who makes life lovely
A beautiful, sacred place to be
You felt so far away that I could not see
The visions that you had of me kept smothering me
You had an advantage
You ran out of chances
You never considered the stones I held
To believe in something, to pretend
You loved being adored
I was alone and bored
Pick out keychains with our names at the corner store
Saying that you love me always seemed like such a chore

You move one way, I step right back
I held on tight; I now regret that
It takes some time for me to become attached
But the memories that we contain run like a time-lapse
And I have flashbacks
Panic attacks
Running right after you, you screaming right back
I’m the glass wind shield, you’re the baseball bat
This isn’t what love is like, do you realize that?

I made my resolution early
To not find myself trapped
I wrap my wings around my torso like a little baby bat
I think of you while in traffic, I get so mad
I’m not your baby doll no more, I’m never coming back

Running right after you, you screaming right back
I’m the Victorian vanity mirror, you’re the one whose mad
Then you tell me you love me, but you look at me like that
I’m not your baby doll no more

But I am what you lack

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Poem: Femoral artery (fever dreams)

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Poem: Femoral artery (fever dreams)

I watch you when you’re bad
I take careful notes
I set them on fire and summon gentle ghosts
They won’t scare you or hurt you the most
Nothing like true love taken away, not even close

I’m sixteen in a few days, I’m trapped in this body
I want you to mimic a system like monoclonal antibodies
Feed the hunger
Burn the rage
Set flames to whom I accused you of being
Prove me wrong
Come as a surprise
I’m finding I don’t make the impression that I imply
Sunsets after jazz concerts on the lawn
I try to find stingrays in the ocean when I swim
I think if this life is a fight, then I’ll most likely win
But they’re doing a good job of telling God that I sinned

Like fever dreams
Like soft doeskin
That came from a being you shouldn’t have touched
I wonder at what point will it all be enough
Blew smoke in his face, he tried calling my bluff
I wake up strong, but I wouldn’t say I’m tough
My wrists are so small the cops use child handcuffs
I wish I was making all this stuff up

To live a romantic life is to surrender to passion
With the weather today, I would say it’s not in fashion
Love for me will never be everlasting

I want it to be
I desperately hope
But we always lose the ones we love the most
They hit your bare knees, the cascading blue waves
Make you stay up pacing around for days
I don’t have the time, and I’ve lost my own place
I was so far ahead
I was almost there
I thought I was close
I was almost there
I choked on my insides
I was almost there
I saw my femoral artery
Blood soaked my white underwear

Like fever dreams
Like soft doeskin
That you’ll always regret purchasing because your ex-girlfriend was a vegan and the way she wears pink ribbons in her ash blonde hair makes you go wild
You act like a child
And I wouldn’t even say your advantage was mild
Knock on my door
Stay a while
I’ll only be happy watching you char in the fire

I know the feeling
I know the daze
I know the brilliant, beautiful Autumn haze
I know Fridays spent alone and solitary Sundays
I’ll only respect you if you participate in the chase
And God, I love it when you try to plead your case
You lost the bet
The cops know you
You think you get me, but I don’t believe that’s true
You’re only with her because there’s nothing else to do

Playing with marbles on the carpet, so they don’t roll too far away
I don’t have the time
I’ve lost my own place
But I clean up nice and live my life with grace

You’re lucky I won’t let you see me face-to-face
You won’t forget my brutality for several days
It’s my milk white gentleness that you can’t replace
I used to tell you I love you, but now I’ll rephrase

The kind of girl you wish you had for the holidays
The kind of girl you wish you had for the holidays
The kind of girl you wish you had for the holidays
As vital to the body as acetylcholinesterase

It’s my resilient nature that will get me through this phase
I used to tell you I love you, but now I’ll rephrase

Lilac Dove

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Poem: 3 in the morning (God loves you)

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Poem: 3 in the morning (God loves you)

Sometimes at night
I think of you
(I’m lying – I always think of you)
There’s nothing else I’d rather do
It’s the bittersweet sting of being hopelessly enamored with you

The more you want it, the farther away it becomes
You stay up late and say you’ll sleep next to the sun
He says he’s running late, but he never does come
That’s the sad truth about not being the only one
I twirl my hair
I spin around
I choke so hard I fall to the ground
And if you calculated my efforts, I’d pay by the pound
I’m lost in abysmal and undulating surround sound

He put black padding on the walls to keep the voices quiet
Asked me what my favourite wine was and said that he’d buy it
Passed me angel dust, but I said I won’t try it
This time I’m not lying
It hurts more to keep trying
Don’t blame it on timing
If I am dust, you are worn out leather from a cow that loved to live and breathe fresh air
You ran your fingers through my soft, blonde hair
I knew you were unaware
You had me right there
You had me

Boys have short attention spans, so I’m working on making my poems shorter
As if a somber gaze doesn’t scratch at the envelope
As if the disposable cardboard coaster I kept from the bar we went to last year isn’t practically at its wit end
But I stare at it at night and I like to pretend
That you and I will never end
(You spin me round and round, you scream, you bend)
I only liked when you were drinking
Because you never stopped talking
And I could listen to your words for endless summer days

I’m watching my step
I’m too sharp for this town
I reached the vault of heaven, but you pushed me back down
And every time I walk away from you, I turn right back around
You’re the most beautiful thing that I have ever found

And if you want me, please tell me
That’s all that I ask
Because I don’t know how much longer
I can contain this chaotic energy, it’s only a setback
It pays for my grave
Collects debt at the tollbooth
Serves me a clean slate I can’t afford and makes it taste like dry vermouth
A botanical celestial atmosphere where there was you and I appeared and you said come here, baby girl, my doe-eyed dear
Please, my angel, don’t you ever disappear

I say never
Won’t do it
I’ll always be here

But you’re so distant from me that my words sound unclear
And the walls are blurry and they’re bleeding red
And I bought pink satin sheets for my queen-sized bed
And I wait every night for you to come fall sleep
But if your love cuts my skin, it doesn’t go very deep
If your flaws were secrets, they’d be mine to keep
And I replay your laugh in my mind on fucking repeat

I know only one thing that’ll make me complete
But if it’s me against her, I’m too weak to compete
I am a glacier dissolving in sunburns and aggressive summer heat
But I still thank God because he arranged for us to meet
I know it as much as I love the window seat
But I see you and her, so I make a spreadsheet
Of all the ways this is going to kill me
Please stop, only you can heal me
I need you like candy
I crave all of you
I know that my hopes are too good to be true
So I lay on the concrete, I only see in ocean-blue

I scream at God for letting me fall in love with you
It’s 3 in the morning
There’s nothing else to do

© Elle Silvestrov

I only liked when you were drinking
Because you never stopped talking
And I could listen to your words for endless summer days

Poem: 3 in the morning (God loves you)

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Poem: White dwarf star

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Poem: White dwarf star

I know I’m not that confident, but I am kind
I feel like I’m dragging my steps and leaving no trace behind
And the work is real hard, it’s that nonstop grind
Makes you bite your nails all the time

And I can’t fit the frame of reference
How you said you were desperate
But when you sucked your chest in
You terrified me to pieces
The kind of ache you bring me bites like leeches
All I want in this world is to lie with you on all the beaches
You release anesthetic, but you still make me bleed
Your love and your reign are all I really need
To make me complete

Washed blood
Criminal state-of-mind
Collecting contraceptives
Cold, hard cement
Warm, worn work boots
Unstable supply of mixed substances

I tell you to swallow, and you look straight in my eyes
It’s like you’re falling in love for the very first time
And I’m trying not to look directly at you as I say, you’re just not the guy
I tell you to swallow, and you look straight in my eyes
Bittersweet candy droplets, like I could die
In this dead world, there is nowhere left to hide
When my body is old and sick, will you lay by my bedside?

I don’t want to make this too long
I’m too smart, I know you won’t read it
No matter how much God knows you need it
If only for the chance that you might feel it

You know, you’re delusional
And I know I can be confusing
But you’re too jaded to find my ill-equipped candor amusing
You run your fingers through your hair like there’s salt in the air
And I try not to stare
You know, you’re delusional
And I know I can be confusing
But the gig is up, and I know that you’ve been using
In your tangled cobweb, I remain the bug that is losing

Not to make this too long
The film isn’t developed
The roses haven’t bloomed
I’m staring back at you, but it’s so empty in this room
I feel the walls enveloping me in dark, chaotic doom
And I can’t resist
You need to hear this
No matter how much your better self knows you need it
If only for the chance that you might feel it
The endurance of my love for all the havoc that you are
The way it covers me like starving, hot tar
When I was on the porch watching you pour gasoline on my car
And I thought to myself

He looks so beautiful from afar
I bet he’ll go to heaven, where the beautiful ones are
He’s not made of debris
He’s so strong and carefree
He’s butterflies and lightning trapped in a mason jar

And I’m falling in and out of love every day
And it feels so bizarre
All that I encompass and view myself as is his white dwarf star
Dead from the beginning
A stellar remnant in this regard
Without the nuclear coalescence, I am just scraping by

When I was on the porch watching you pour gasoline on my car
And I thought to myself
He’s so strong and carefree
He’s butterflies and lightning trapped in a mason jar
And I’m a black hole of a figurine
In this dead world, there is nowhere left to hide
When my body is old and sick, will you lay by my bedside?

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Poem: Waves (key of D minor)

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Poem: Waves (key of D minor)

You are
Honey wire
And I’m trembling and downcast, so you throw me in the fire
My appearance may seem neat, and I’m charming and upbeat
But despondent and you know it
So we get along

My crush on you is set in the key of D minor, playing at approximately 230 beats per minute

Airs and graces, airs and graces
Conceit and peril
Your upstairs neighbor plays Lana Del Rey all day, so you can’t get over me
I tell you, that sounds like a personal problem
Me, I’m dissolving into hazy disputes between obsidian and like-minded jewels and magnified atrocities like speckles on black rocks that we find at the beach when we’re competing to find the most beautiful of wonders
The waves crash
The waves crash
You’re becoming attached
I text you right back

I told you I’m not bitter, I’m just soft and destructive
You’ll fall in love with me because I’m accidentally seductive
My best talent is in being constructive
But nobody wants a girl that tells you who you should be
And that’s a disadvantage on their behalf

If you could choose wisdom, why wouldn’t you have
I’m struggling to come to terms with that

I feel bad for making fun of you for your pride because I think you’ve got a sentimentality to hide
And it may be against my best interest to decide to deride
But you took me surfing, and I had the best time of my life
Falling over and over and over for you
(Just kidding) the waves
Amethyst haze
You tried to hold my hand when we entered a natural cave
On the beach with eighty-one pounds of bleach
Nothing makes sense when you’re a ball of pretense
Mid-17th century tone to your writing, which I like because it’s fancy, and I didn’t know you were the fancy kind
For such a laid-back guy
We swam in the same ocean with different eyes
I submerged into the sea because I was taken up by the tides, and it led me to disassemble my crystallized disguise that I only put on for show because underneath I am nothing but dark, glass-like volcanic rock, and I’m not sure whether that’s your type

The waves crash
The waves crash
You’re becoming attached
I text you right back

My best talent is in being constructive
But nobody wants a girl that’s this small and destructive
What happens when it’s me that crumbles?

But nobody wants a girl that tells you who you should be
And that’s a disadvantage on their behalf
If you could choose wisdom, why wouldn’t you have
I’m struggling to come to terms with that

I’m struggling to come to terms with that

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