I’m going to write a short poem for you Because your attention span in regard to me is dim, like my light Like species survival in the afternoons by the Caribbean seas Like a sunset that I swallowed because I was hungry and cold How you lit me a half-broken cigarette, said I was engaging and bold You shined your white teeth and like heaven I was sold
I took a section of your brain to look for “Fos” proteins to see which neurons were active And I saw a glimpse of you and me on the playground You were wearing blue jeans Grass stains and all I was wearing a pink gown like I was dressed for the ball We were talking about being together and having it all The wind blew I got cold You cradled me like a baby Asked me to move in with you, I said screw you, maybe I was so happy I gleamed Loyal like a preteen So high on amphetamines You kissed me on Seafoam boulevard, amongst the serene By the ocean, strawberry cream lotion Patches of snow, circles of rainfall I’m in love with how you’re seventy-four inches tall You call me graceful, for I’m patient and small Call me once, just one phone call
Arachnoid hematomas So thin you could see through my veins Put me on the back of your bike, make me hold you real tight Heaven shines in my eyes, it’s fluorescent and bright White cerebral wave light The stars and the apocalyptic tides The places where my sensitivities hide
In your harsh but kind gaze I reside, and I don’t know why, I don’t know why
I wanted to write you a short poem Because I can’t forget how much you mean to me So I put words together, loosely, and tied them with a silver string I asked you to light me up in the dark But your attention span in regard to me is dim Like my light
Respect My angel baby, my love for you Your honeycomb, bittersweet elegance Pink nail polish on the highest shelf With you, I’m my best self Rest assured I’m in good health All for the commonwealth I have a thousand secrets I’m refusing to tell But if you captivate me enough, entrance me into a maybe, lure me into your consensual cave where we can reminisce about our funniest, most awful, of heartbreaks For the moment’s sake I’m crystal-made I’m dissolving in tangents made up from aptitude I’m L-Dopa converting to dopamine Transfusing to you my sweet nectar of the gods (hey, I love how that collar looks on you) Hey, I love how that sweater looks on you And if I wore one just like it Interlaced your arm with mine Would we be simply divine? Would we look intertwined? Would your heart, at the end of the night, be mine?
I’m silly I’m running away from you In the whitest of the white lace and tulle A skirt so pretty it makes boys hurt I’m not a pacifist, I’m quite the ignorant jerk I repel people like diamonds in tunnel vision I’m sparkly and iridescent, but they say I’m pitch black They don’t know me like that Don’t know I can be precious Don’t know I can be sweet Hot and heavy, sharp on my feet Lose myself in the summer heat I find myself when I choose not to cheat I’m nobody’s mistake but my own Crescent moon devour me still Hold me until I’m candlelit On fire, rupture, rapture, hold me, capture I’m quite the disaster But if you were to look away…
You’d never I’d beg you Surrender your hopes and dreams to my castle of what could’ve been and what was once was that is no more I found you in a cave, you were mine, I found you! You didn’t behave on your own! You had to be tamed! Was it foolish of me to pick up where we left off? You glanced at me, took a sip of whiskey and scoffed I don’t like how you look with that cup in your hand I’d rather find you at the DMV, Tolstoy’s narrative in your hand You’re so good at being grand And when I’ll be queen I’ll demand To share this bittersweet, homely, wholehearted world with you Never shelter you Always unsettle you Make you divide by two Alongside me in front of Lake Michigan, that’s a dream too sweet for me to save in my neural space You always said I had the most perfect, soft face But you couldn’t keep up with my vapid pace
I’ll outrun you in marathons, I’ll sprint past you in daydreams I went to five stores to find a wedding dress that I ended up being unhappy with So we canceled our plans Were unsure of where we could stand See each other in impure reality or dissolve into volatile pieces of sand I’ll take you by the hand Push you into the ocean, make you suffer some more Until you’re practically begging me to take you to shore But I’m not done yet, I haven’t even gotten to the gore When you were in love with me, you were pure When you were in love with me, you were pure When you were in love with me, you were pure When you were in love with me, you were pure
Fly me to Paris, I’ll take you on a tour Of the rose gardens, I wanted to become your bride in Of wife and of man I’m laying in the sand Drew a heart in the dirt, cobblestone made me hurt You wouldn’t say a word
When you were in love with me, you were pure When you were in love with me, you were pure When you were in love with me, you were pure When you were in love with me, you were pure
Now nothing I wear makes me pretty I’m shaking, trembling, and fidgety This is what the anxiety does to me
You were Stained black and I couldn’t Differentiate up from down You closed in on me like atmospheric surround sound And when you asked what I wanted to do, I didn’t lie, I said I wish I would drown
You used to tell me I was prettiest in the bathtub.
Cocaine kisses, send me off the edge into the abstract obscurity of my conception of time, space, life, youth, vigor, hate, and sour green apples
Cradle me I’m an angel Lying in a soft heaven encapsulated by aquamarine lullabies and the cries of a thousand little shadows So hazy Pretty baby Little lady Spiraling in clusters of neural cell bodies that extend axons down to their terminal buttons I recognized her voice coming from outside my window But she wasn’t talking to me She wasn’t talking to me
Tiny clusters of dazzling diamonds What, in your life, is priceless? Conceptually? Sensually? Horizontally? I am a nicotinic receptor, please don’t bother me while I’m at work It’s a little complicated, but I’m going to keep on going It’s all I need to do – be brave, be strong, endure, go on Lying on my pink plush bed staring at the ceiling fan Circling and circling and circling and circling Enzymes and substrates and catecholamines I do my best work when I can’t be seen
Starships and amphetamines
God, I love your energy It soothes me Invigorates me Calms me Quiets me Loves me
Cocaine causes your brain to sit in a bath of dopamine I like to pour lavender-infused Epsom salts into the warm water and add bubbles because I’m a child at heart And I’m trying to hold on and not break my own heart But it’s hard It’s so hard I don’t know where to start
And you’re so far
You’re so far (we could have been as deep as the oceans) And I think I’m okay The mental image that I’ve created of you is slowly fading, and I’m returning to the reality, the vacancy Encouraging normalcy Doing pirouettes in my living room to French classical music Tranquil lullabies Cheap thrills Hundred dollar bills Poison in your pocket for the next martyr you’ll kill
Sit down at your desk, put your chin to your chest Stretch your neck Give feedback to the people you like in your life Tell them how you’re doing Ask them how they are I’m overdosing in the bathtub from all this dreamy black tar I’m racing a stranger 120 miles per hour in my fucked up classic car They’ll say, she could’ve been a star
Love you in fragments – love you in fragments – love you in fragments – love you
Author
The author of the poetry on Lilac Dove is a young girl living on the outskirts of Los Angeles, twirling her hair with her finger and eating sour candy, as she writes about the strangeness of her life.
Softness and silk
I love you in fragments
Like pieces of a puzzle
That no matter how hard I try to make out the shapes just right
I’m always wrong
I find myself thinking about things like
Do you paint pictures of me in your mind before going to sleep
Before resting your beautiful tan head on the mattress because you don’t like pillows
You joke they’re too soft
But I’m soft
Fragile in places I’ll never admit out loud
Paradise found
You call, and I’m the happiest girl in the United States of America
To dream is to escape reality
But you just ask me questions
Like I’m an encyclopedia of the world
And while I’m charmed that you value my intellect so
It still feels shallow
A jellyfish catching me after I lose out on a killer wave
When I’m with you, I always tend to misbehave
Reconsider my decisions later
Wonder if I could have done better
But you encapsulate me every time
Put me in a bubble with no oxygen, so with every one of my screams I’m losing out on life
Is that what this is like?
There were times when I felt divine
Reconsider my decisions later
Wonder if I could have done better
Thankful that I still have your sweater
Accept the parts of you no-one else sees
Parts of you that are rust- to me, are shiny
Pick up the phone every time you call
Which as of late, has been no time at all
Leave me a voicemail
Tell me you love me
Leave me a voicemail
Don’t let go when you hug me
Reconsider my decisions later
Wonder if I could have done better
Poem: En juillet, la pluie tant attendue est enfin tombée.
Your 4 by 4 My innocence Sweet hot suspense 90 miles per hour on the curves up the mountain, to show me what you know about being intense Rain comes down and I’m listening to the Bends
I want to keep tabs on you even though it’s the wrong thing to do Like deja vu I’m rose, you’re blue Falling off the skyscrapers ’cause I’m having fun Nobody says I’m beautiful I know it’s not that pitiful And I’m so damn ill, it hurts
I found rejection in the cusp of a rose I rolled my eyes and thought, of course
Congeniality isn’t my default I had in mind all of these things to say But I’m inclined to say I no longer get my way For the devil’s child, it’s gotten late I found, You down On your darkest day I had in mind all of these things to say I wanted to tell you I felt you fading away And that wasn’t okay
I have a feeling you need to find yourself again But I’m scared to leave because I know you need some help
I have a feeling you need to find yourself again But I’m scared to leave because I know you need some help I know you need some help
