Closer

I am alone
Monotone
Disgusting rib bones
A new body I fit in but don’t acclimate into just yet
The outlines wide and far-reaching
My heart fervidly beating
I wish it wouldn’t
As if it couldn’t
I wish you’d call my line
You’re keen as mustard, you’re wretched too
Corrosive and apathetic
Your neutral palette aesthetic
Don’t make me hate you
Don’t make me hate you

I felt loneliness last night
Tried to drink more but the fruity margarita started to make me want to vomit
No pills to take
No medicine for me
To accompany my newfound state
I basked in it
Hugged my dog
Thought about where I went wrong
Thought of the woman I want to be– hopeful and strong
Who wills wishful thinking into action
Positive diary entries
Tending to roses in the garden
Watering her plants correctly and on time
Correctly and on time
Correctly and on time

And you weren’t ever mine
A belonging- to be the property of
I’d huddle inside your jacket, in the crevice of your arm to feel like a small part of you
Feel like I had you by my side and that wasn’t changing
Because- ?
Undetermined clause
A six figure check
One button undone
Cheek kisses not specifically asked or gestured for, but given for free
A bike that was stolen
A tree that was planted
Our whereabouts unknown
One vintage photobooth for two
Becoming closer than ever and not acknowledging it in any way, shape, or form
“My condolences to your mother”
My wish to you, please don’t leave me

Correctly and on time
Correctly and on time
Don’t make me hate you
Don’t make me hate you