Body-aches

And then it hit me
You’re not the one for me
Sweet serenity
In the abyss I’ll find you
In the dumpsters I’ll drown you
I’ll vacate the spaces where we existed at once together
Separate times
A broken bike chain lock
A hint at paradise
The roses smell so nice
My diamonds so crystal ice

Trapped and crestfallen
I don’t think I can do this again, Scott
You’re taking shots at a figure you’re not
Embarrassing me on the spot
I don’t like lights flashing towards me
I want you to adore me
But the caricature of this is fading
Thick proceedings
Radio blasting
The television running
All night long
It runs all night long
My sweet surrender
Birthday in September
How much of our hope is lost
How much will the damage cost
I sit at home and I wait for the bitter white frost

Scott, we could have made it
We had plenty of new beginnings in our eyes
A hint of surprise
You loved my thighs
A red brick rose and a black wire fire escape
We grew mint and basil
Your eyes were deep hazel
I’m spitting you out now deeply
I’m tired of trying to find meaning
Daffodils linger simply

I want to be out of that front door
My thoughts as organized as my files and garments
My eyeglasses that you threw at the wall
My wine glasses that you spilled on the floor
Always looking for more and more
Unfulfilled pursuits left us dreary
Now you’re looking at me and you’re tearing
I was consumed by bored, hollow nights
The aching, overblown, painful fights
Me hiding on the pink bathroom rug holding my hands over my ears
The medication I’m on preventing me from producing tears
But you swallowed my fears
You took what you got and you thought there was something left to own
To control
Boss me around and spit the residue into a cup
Pour hot water down my back and a glass fiber attack
Never an itch to scratch
I’m tired, Scott
I ache
I ache but not for you

I ache for a hint at paradise
Where the roses smell so, so nice
Where there’s beautiful diamonds, crystal ice
Where the decisions are wise
I’ll try it out for size
Won’t tell you how it feels
Because this will no longer be real
I’ll buy flowers that are teal

I’m tired, Scott
I ache
I ache but not for you
But for a hint at paradise
And it feels goddamn awfully nice
This is my dream paradise


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