Tag: about a boy

Poem: Wedding dress

distantcaveLeave a comment

Welcome to my poetry website! Pink poems are love poems & blue poems are more general “life” poems. Each poem is interrupted by photographs and ends when you’ve reached the Soundcloud portion. The previous subscribe application was not working, so I’ll be testing new ones out soon. x

Poem: Wedding dress

Venom under relapse
I had nothing more to say when you turned away
I like it here in my baby pink clandestine cave
Nothing to eat me away, sharp fumes
Fiber optics, flesh under a microscope
Baby voices & sketches of solid diameter

Box hair-dye doesn’t quite get the colour right
But God knows I keep on trying
I don’t often think about it, but I’m so afraid I won’t get what I want
That might be what’s best, after all
If an admissions team reads my name right
That might be the very first time
That might be what’s best, after all

A long Victorian sundress for sitting by the pool
I think it’s meant to be this way that I often feel misunderstood
I no longer try to say the right things
But then, I find I’m not saying anything
At all
At all
To anyone at all

I remember when I found those pretty songs
That I’d listen to along my drive to and back from university
Had this feeling like something was going on
So I wrapped myself up in the most beautiful love songs
Taking me to a
Place
I didn’t occupy
No, not that night
For that long drive
Wrapped up tight
White crystals shredded into fine crisps
Daisies in my long blonde hair

In another life, you could call me up, tell me you’re happy for me too
Like I am happy for you
Relieved for you
Green dress, she wore a green dress
Had the ceremony of her dreams

Fairy tale, matchmaker – let go of you so you could find your way to her
In another life, I’ll evade this charcoal castle
Won’t ride a horse because I care for animals of all kinds
Won’t check the mailbox, I know no one would write
I’m ink that bleeds through
Covers your wrists like a car’s headlights
Sews your eyes shut so that you could sleep
Comfortably, finally, elusively

I know what’s appropriate
That is- me, driving to the prettiest love songs
If the admissions team doesn’t pronounce my name right
That’s perfectly fine

You belong where you belong, in the end
Hate every single second
They’ll miss you so much back home

Wishing to see snow
Wishing to see snow
Wishing to see snow
Wishing to see snow

Wrapped up tight
White crystals shredded into fine crisps
Daisies in my long blonde hair

Had the ceremony of her dreams
On white amphetamines

A love poem about finding out a former boyfriend got married.

Help me afford my rent! paypal.me/LilacDoveCA

Love poem: Roses that never came in the mail

distantcaveLeave a comment

Welcome to my poetry website! Pink poems are love poems & blue poems are more general “life” poems. Each poem is interrupted by photographs and ends when you’ve reached the subscribe/Soundcloud portion. xx

Love poem: Roses that never came in the mail

When I get tired, my glasses weigh heavy on my face
You tripped me up, you did
I’d be lying if I said I didn’t extrapolate meaning from the events that we saw differently
Learned what is most important to me
Seventeen minutes until I’m home & the cars start to spin
Hoping it rains soon so I can read by the window
Let my outdoor plants feel the abyss of unexpected
nourishment
Weighing heavily of light-hearted anchors

Imagination is too powerful
I’m trying to immerse myself in the sky
But what do I think about when I try to go to sleep at night
Your laugh
The way you throw your head back
Cover your face
Intoxicating
Stains my mind in carnivorous ways

The way you throw your head back
Cover your face
One time you apologized, “sometimes I laugh really hard”
I loved it
That I made you laugh
Something calming about that

I can be the most comforting person you’ve ever come across
But at some point you have to show up for me
That’s what breaks my heart
Just a little bit
Just a tad
I thought things were getting better but they never had
Soft rubber bands
Roses that never came in the mail

I study physics all day and
Learn so many things I wish I could share with you
It was me who ended things
I remain strong and confident in my position
Though I would be lying
Oh, I would be lying

If I didn’t think about how you would throw your head back
When I would make you laugh
All I want is to be comforting
I’m reserved with other people, but all I want is to be my true self
Even if that means going where there’s nobody else

Roses that never came in the mail
Now I can tell the tale

Of the boy I was so, so close to falling with in lo-

Help me pay for my website hosting! https://www.paypal.me/LilacDoveCA

A very long poem: Demolition

distantcaveLeave a comment

A very long poem: Demolition

Menthol cigarettes got me feeling alive
Thank God for Texas not outlawing them
I missed this heavenly mint
Sterile landscape
Below the Mason-Dickinson line
I got wrinkles in my dress
& lately I’ve been right on time
For you to let me down

I been around waterfalls, but I haven’t seen it all
Stole a daisy ring from a convenience store
To be fair, it fell right out of its placement
To make the perfect vacation
I take a glance in the mirror and, I tell myself, I like what I see
Vacuum clean the ceiling on repeat
My tranquility wasn’t enough for this collapsing bridge
It came falling down upon me

I wish I could see what my lungs look like
Added another year to my timeline
Embodying an ancient goddess
Fading but getting closer to flawless
We’re stained on purpose cos that’s how God made his men
It’s you I’m talking about
It’s you I’m writing about
See trees you would like, decide to set them on fire
Broken barn door
Matches the stains on the floor
I’m a mess, can’t you tell
I clean everything I touch
Wipe the slate
Wipe the slate
Wash away your misguided truths in the swarming, crestfallen waves
Fears in disarray

Wheat fields are my daydreams
Inject rose thorns directly into my cheeks
Pain is surreal
It glows in the evening
Makes everyone’s headlights look more appealing
The bridges that overlap on the highways in Texas are making me lose my mind
Listen to me when I talk about what is perfection to me
In a room full of blank faces
I have nobody to tell
Anything that matters to me

Would you know the colour of my eyes if not for a close-up photograph
Oh, lucky you
I see a leaf
That you might like
It happens again
The rolled up wheat I crumbled in my pocket
Men of old age smoking tobacco on their truck beds by the corner liquor store
Am I self-absorbed because I run through my own mind
I’m so sick of saying things that people don’t understand
Like, who am I
Who am I to you
A close-up photograph
I’m at my best, I’ll tell you that

Safe with me
Demolition
I’m safe in my own arms
Tuck my tattooed thighs close to my chest
Pull myself in
Vomit lakes up
Then I see
A rose so lovely it softens my hair &

Leaves me dying to see how good my lungs are doing
When I smoke tobacco on a rusty truck bed
Little place for myself
Diamonds in my eyes
You wouldn’t know the colour
If you couldn’t reference it in a close-up photograph

We’re stained on purpose cos that’s how God made his women
Would it kill you
Would it kill you
Awake in your sleep

Safe only when I’m with me
Demolition
Demolition

They scream loudest at night

Support your favourite writer! paypal.me/LilacDoveCA

Love poem: Casualties

distantcave2 Comments

Welcome to my poetry website! Pink poems are love poems & blue poems are more general “life” poems. Each poem is interrupted by photographs and ends when you’ve reached the subscribe/soundcloud portion. xx

Love poem: Casualties

We were driving alongside an emerald beach and I was
Filming a TikTok video of the water, as the waves reached a height that
Didn’t scare me, and suddenly
I looked down & there was water in the car
We were driving through the water
I could breathe
I couldn’t breathe
I could breathe
I was asleep
I couldn’t breathe
Like dandelions
Picked at the wrong time

There were no problems
And we were free
Free to be ourselves, free to get wrapped up in each other
Not constrained by the world propaganda or what’s playing on the news
Television set out of our reach
(Do you even own a television?)
Keyboard in the kitchen sink
Fragrant butterflies

Nape of your neck
Upset stomach
Belly aches for you

There have been nothing but problems
Just me tossed up in you, cradled like the darkest blue
Until we wake up
Foggy skies, hear me out
I’m well familiar with ambivalence
Am very good at counting chirality centers in molecules
Though, when the numbers are in front of me
I wonder if in a different life
I could add them up and find you, again
We’d be soft and innocent
Like dandelion breath
I wouldn’t have to bruise your ego

What would you do
Blank, empty face
I’m well familiar
Can sequence a genome, but can’t figure out how to tell a boy that
I wanted to be the place he calls home

(He’d know if he read my poetry
He’d know if he was in love with me)

Figment of my imagination
Heart palpitations
Misguided communication
On repeat, wouldn’t dare to press rewind
Fast-forward through the archive of my mind
A baby that takes several years to be born
Fully formed
A landscape of an intoxicating tornado with a sunny portrayal of graciousness

What are you indebted for?
When you’re not standing at my front door
Blue ribbons in my hair
A long, pink, satin dress that I
Planned
For the
Occasion

Where I
Would be
Alone
With my patience
Watching little kids chase after their parents
Watching little kids chase after their
Watching little kids chase after
Watching little

Kids holding rose petals
Speaking in Spanish that I understand
Now
How
We
Were

Meant to fall apart so casually

Just like that
We go back
To the places we call home
And we pretend
To not
Care

Help me afford my website hosting to keep this dream alive! paypal.me/LilacDoveCA

Lilac love poem: Noise (across the room)

distantcaveLeave a comment

Lilac love poem: Noise (across the room)

I can’t fall in love with you if you’re across the room from me

But I can’t change you
Been so endlessly patient with you
Waiting for the thunderstorm to clear, yet a new one comes in hot
Shows me my fears
Pours hot coffee all over me
Covered

I bit my inner lip
Overflowing with an unwelcoming anxiety
Until both the insides of the top and bottom started to bleed
& as the blood poured in
Filling the tiny spaces between my teeth
I could taste the iron &
I felt closer to myself
Than I did
Looking in your bathroom mirror
Wondering why the tiles on the floor have to be so nice
The bathtub so luxurious, so unused
A pitfall of possibilities & potential
Thought I was steering towards irrationality
But all it was
Was hope
& isn’t that familiar
Isn’t that something I could dissolve deeply into

I realized, there was nothing to save
If I could just have that museum day
Back & I’d be on time & you’d see that I’ve been waiting what feels like my whole life
To look into somebody’s eyes & feel safe

But this empty space –
This is not the place
These are the alleyways your parents warned you about
The Instagram posts about what red flags to look for
Suddenly you’re driving and cannot stop thinking
About how someone doesn’t have to necessarily be a bad person to still be unfulfilling to you
I swallowed that truth
It’s all a girl like me can do –
One who dreams in pink
Prays every second she blinks
Doesn’t ever let spiders go down the sink

Unless they want to
Unless they beg me to
Then, what am I to do?

This
Is me
Letting go
Of you

It’s all
A girl
Like me
Can do

I can’t fall in love with you if you won’t walk across the room towards me

I can’t
Take the noise
Out of your head

Show your support & keep my dream alive! www.paypal.me/LilacDoveCA