Poem: How to free oneself

Poem: How to free oneself

You are
My worst nightmare
A walking case of amphetamines
Blocking numbers on my cell phone
Like milk and honey
Break my covenant
No data, out of range
Small grimace, you’re in pain
Find me standing by myself in the rain

drip, rain, drops

Grapefruit at the beach
Watching the waves, the people
Laughing admirably at their loved ones
I suck the sour nature out of this fruit
I climb on top of the stairs
Let my beautiful long blonde hair blow in the wind
My hair down like you like it
I’m a bat so I work the night shift
Ask about my love life, I’ll say how about it
Stolen glances while we speak
Walking case of amphetamines

girl, blonde, portrait

I always think about running in front of the cars
My favorite brand of trunks to do me over
Will I appear on the news?
Will you be haunted by my torn flesh?
An abscess on your leg, give you a cold compress
Put on lip gloss and my tight black dress
You know I’ve always been a mess
But this is nothing like before
I want revenge, and then I want more
You went from handsome to a brutal eyesore
And you’re a bore

moon, star, space

A walking case of amphetamines
I say, damn, you look good in those black jeans
Almost felt your lips when in the doorway I stood in-between
I find sailing serene
You know I won’t go out with a man who fishes
The music gets heavy, my finger twitches
Back spasms
Micro cosmos
Planets attacking other planets
You slip inside a snow globe
I slip into my lush pink bathrobe
Watch the roses outside, they’re white and they grow
Laying on the couch with you is so mellow

sea, waves, groynes

But I have to resist
I already said no
I’m a weak woman and that I know
I’m not proud of myself
Monsters on my bookshelf
Lied to you when I said you’re the best

Walking case of amphetamines
But baby all you really are is a downer
Went swimming with your new girlfriend, I drowned her
Real women don’t apologize

Walking case of amphetamines
I smiled real wide when I drowned her

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Poem: Blood that pools, drowning me

In a world where there’s no end, where do we end up? 

I’m listless but I have potential
To surrender all of my dreams to my inquisitive nature
Blood that pools around your legs
Soft, crisp edges of the shells of eggs
Broken
Ceiling
Frostbite
Alright
Stage fright
I’m mimicking you in all directions
That the beat moves in
Soft
Glances
Kitchen
Cabinets
I always wanted to know what frostbite was like but it got so cold I was scared they would take away my fingers
And I wouldn’t be able to play you melodies on the piano any longer
Tender
Heart
Cold at night

wintry, tree, beech

Stage fright
I used to be a a beautiful ballerina
In a past life
In which I made my grandparents proud
No more hiding behind a boy’s name
I’m fast as hell
But I don’t sprint any more

Don’t cry anymore
I don’t do a lot of the things I used to
Adult life
Pains
Dripping slowly

ballet, tips, dance

You beg for it to hurt but when it does you go insane
Beg for it
Torture
Spiraling thoughts
Movement in a circular sphere where only I can see you in your true arrogant nature
Self portraits of a ghost
Confidence, you’ve got the most
A dinner party with no found host
Burnt piece of toast
True
Statements
About a death in apartment 95
About how free we feel on the motorcycle, it keeps us alive
How my parents were disillusioned when they wanted a child

peony, white, floral

How I’d have to be disillusioned to take him back
Honey, ever known a man that causes heart attacks?
All of my favorite characteristics he lacks 
Cold
Hot
Tears

The ceiling’s dripping candle light
The ceiling’s dripping candle light
The ceiling’s dripping-

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Poem: But I love it

It blinds me to think about what he wants
Steers me towards his way because I’m
Drawn
Hopelessly
Irrevocably
To pieces of him I both do and don’t wish I ever saw
Ever knew
They climb up on inside of you

I’m like a deep blue lagoon
Your wants and needs are at the top of my lungs
Pressing down
Brick heavy
Unsteady
You make me think I’ll always fail
Your talk is short and stale
I’m feeling blue

wave, water, surf

But wait
Don’t loosen your grip on me
Even if it’s surrounding my neck, I need you still
Like a little child needs a blanket
I need you still

If we could have our own apartment
To dance in
To yell in
Not at each other because we’re working on it
But at the sun, at the moon
At the corporate offices that block our view of the city lights
Maybe you’ll slow down with me
Take it in deeply
That I get sad at night without you
But when I see you it’s like I’ve again found you

Again, and again, and again, and again
Spin me
Again, and again, and again, and again
Spin me
Again, and again and again, and again
I’ve found you
And I am sad without you
Again

landscape, mountains, fog
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Poem: Paranoid and proud (10,000 times)

Paranoid and proud (10,000)

Enigmatic, or desolate

I knock on your door slowly
Trembling
I don’t want to interrupt your work
You tell me to crawl over to the desk
I said babe, I’ve got a headache
My hair is a mess
I can’t pass your tests

I’m stupid and paranoid
None of your answers make sense
Where were you last Tuesday
Who was that in the car
You reach for another cigar
You’re the most beautiful boy but your personality is tar
You’re mean about my scars

A variation of you and me (but it’s just a fantasy)

The white roses have died
Is it me or my pride
That I always remind you of how my favorite man died
I know I’m a burden, I scream on the inside
Walking on eggshells
Tiny glass fragments
When you threw the vase at the wall because you couldn’t find your glasses
The white roses, they’ve died anyway
Entered a state of decay
Quite like I have, and it’s how I will stay
The light has left me, what do you make of my remains
I’m more revolting every day

Chaos and butterflies
Surprise me with flowers
Plant a tree every time you yawn when I talk about my interests
If this isn’t love or lust then what is this
Why do I sit on your lap every time you come around
How come I put my face to a pillow so that I don’t make a sound
How come you told me that the next time I get lost you hope I won’t ever be found
Like pitch black surround sound

I turn to the other side
I do my best to hide
Is that another exhibition of my pride?

You told me you loved to listen
You lied
Ten thousand times

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Instragram: @Lilacdovee

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Poem: You with me is everything in proper place

You with me is everything in proper place

Your parochial validation
Doesn’t intimidate me
I’m a lady of glamour,
Roses on vines,
Harnessing all my glory and putting it together into one piece
You’re the only missing piece
And I stay awake
Writing in my notebook pages
About how I want to go to the beach with you
Laugh with the seagulls, watch them fly
Coca Cola and oranges, that’s how you get by
You’re so funny
Come with me

When the roles are reversed
And you’re the one that’s bruised and burnt
I’ll be right here,
Close enough for you to reach
Let me be the soundbite in your ear
The graphite pencil you sketch your model automobiles with
You are my type
My type of carrying-on soldier, king of the tanks
You’re so far away from me
So far away from me
I take a breath calmly
The fog washes all over me

And you’re the one that’s bruised and burnt
Baby with me, you’ll never, ever be hurt
Just you and me at the cinema
On the dangerous fire escapes
Cigarette smoke, you can inhale the taste
You with me is everything in proper place

The support that I need
The love
The love I need
The love I-

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