Month: April 2023

Love poem: Playing my cards right (all night)

distantcaveLeave a comment

Love poem: Playing my cards right (all night)

I have to be very careful
Because I’ve been
I’ve been in these rivers before
I swallowed marbles and bubbles and committed acts you’d say were inhumane
I was a small girl
I was in pain

I have to play my cards right
Because I just want everything to be serene, the water clear
Everything to be perfectly alright
I’ve been waiting
I’ve been waiting for you
I’ve been waiting
I’ve been waiting for you

I’ve spent long nights
Wondering
Thinking
Just thinking
About everything that keeps me away from you
And how
The line is so thin
And I think
I’m going to cross it again
Like an avalanche in my brain

I’m looking at you but you’re not even
Not even looking at me
I’m looking at you but you’re not even
Not even looking at me
Like I’m too blind to see
Like I’m too naive to believe
That you would be in love with me
Not even looking at me
Are you in love with me
Why won’t you, why won’t you tell me
Not even looking at me

Million, million, million, million things I could say, now, in this field of wildflowers
Hey!
I can’t find my landscape
You’re all I ever dreamt of
I’m falling asleep while I’m awake
I don’t know, I don’t know
How all you do is take
How all you do is take

Like an avalanche
I spread my wings and pick them off, one by one
I have “feelings” and you don’t have “emotions”
I wish I could sit with a typewriter and feed words into your head
Things I want on a handwritten note
Delivered to me by mail
Always on time, without fail
A napkin from a fancy cafe in Paris
Baby, I can tell you all the right things to say
Why, why can’t things just go perfectly my way
Is it unsettling
The way things come into play
The way night turns into day
I can’t look away

You can’t convince someone
You can’t convince someone to stay
But you look so good
So good
So good
So good
So good
When you walk away
When you walk away
Away
Away
Away

When you walk away
The way night turns into day
Like an avalanche in my brain

Poem: Promises (wildflowers)

distantcaveLeave a comment

Poem: Promises (wildflowers)

I’m growing strawberries in my garden
I buy canned Vanilla Coke at the corner store
When I came home Wednesday night, there were the most beautiful white roses I’ve ever seen laying softly on the kitchen counter
Courtesy of my mother
Who knows I’m dismayed by how boys don’t buy me flowers
Somehow it was a thousand times sweeter coming from her
Dewdrops on daisies
Fresh Baby’s Breath in fine, pristine garments
The things that used to scare me, I no longer find alarming
The way thunderstorms sound like amphetamines dropping can no longer harm me
I promised myself that I would keep my own promises

For a while I wanted someone to love me like I do, you
But that, would be insubstantial
Since I never got through to you in the ways I can only hope one day someone will, to me
Like looking in a mirror
When you’re trying to see inside
Of a building you pass by on your lunch break
That makes you feel mesmerized
But it’s oh, so fleeting
With a heavy mind and drowsy eyes
I lay amongst the wildflowers gasping for glimmers of hope
A reality I am capable
Of painting myself

A couple of days ago I lost the keys to my apartment
Tried to go around the back, and my cat wouldn’t let me in!
The nerve!
Like she was raised by wolves!
So I came back to the front of my residence, and when the mailman came with my packages I collected them
Stared at my name in sans serif font on the mailing label
Beneath the sunlight as it showered me with
Affection
Like the song I sent you
That you didn’t like
Because you didn’t favour the singer’s voice
But that was not
The point
It was
The words
That I wanted you to hear, at least read for heaven’s sake

But nobody reads what you want them to
And after hours of sitting against my black, metal apartment door
Wishing I had chalk, like a child, to draw horribly disfigured life stills on the warm cement
I found the key in my pocket
(I’m not very good at hiding things from myself)
But I am good at finding pockets of time to be alone with the sunshine
Carefully planned
Flawlessly executed
Only something a Virgo could do

Do you remember?
When my birthday is?
Or how badly I wanted those flowers?

Nobody remembers what you want them to
It’s frightening, really
How someone’s perception is so far removed from your control
But isn’t that
Delightful
That my mother knows exactly how to make me smile
My cat knows I need time to take to rinse my thoughts with sun rays and pieces of gravel

I deleted your text message
Like you had never come back
Almost automatically
I was surprised with even myself
But you will never know how much I loved you

Somehow that is fine with me
I promise

Support my dreams! https://www.paypal.me/LilacDoveCA

Love poem: Soy una princesa (productos mexicanos)

distantcaveLeave a comment

Love poem: Soy una princesa (productos mexicanos)

Oh, you won’t like my picture?
Because you’re mad at me?
Which one of us is reverting to our old ways?
I got something real cool just for you
Rosas blancas
Oh but – they’re mine, they’re mine
They’re mine

I go to the market, Productos Mexicanos
Roll my window down as I drive
Close my doll-like eyes
And the sunshine hits me in the most pleasant of ways
Saying to me, saying to me
You’re crazy
In the most pleasant of ways
Nobody leaves voicemails like I do
Nobody looks as good in a dress as I do
Deserving of rapture
Deserving of fire
Gasoline and lilac fumes to invigorate the night
Soft candle-light, hold me real tight

Yeah, we’re getting high from nothing at all
My mom was right about you
Your concept of me isn’t capable of changing
I need freedom, I need freedom, baby
To be who I want to be
It’s the only way I can be, who you and I both want me to be
The only way to be free
The only way to be me

I need a boy I can speak Spanish to; I need a boy who’s Latino
City Terrace Drive, I take the 605
I want a boy with his own apartment, his own car
Rev it up on the highway, scare the living daylights out of me
With your thrill, hot thrill
Wind in my hair
Let me be free with you
Follow my dreams next to you
Walk alongside you, and only you
Be my thrill
Avalanche on a hill
Inspire me to be whole again

Walking around town, thinking you’re so cool
You don’t have a car & you dropped out of school
Painting portraits of me is the only thing you’ve ever done for me
Ever done for me
Ever done for me
Now it’s done for me

Soy una princesa
No olvides eso
Yo soy la reina
Llevo el mejor perfume
So what do you have to lose, when you can’t see through me
Can’t understand me
Doesn’t even try
I’m vacant as the forever in-bloom, wide open sky
I write and I do not know why
You’re not calling me right now

Right now, right now
Right now, right now
I want a white wedding gown
El supermercado mexicano

Rosas blancas
Rosas blancas
Give me white roses
Love me on purpose
Rosas blancas
Rosas blancas
El supermercado mexicano

Thought I lost you there
Thought I lost
Thought I lost you there
Thought I lost

But I always
Always
Always
Always
Always

Win

Support my work! https://www.paypal.me/LilacDoveCA