Month: May 2022

Love poem: Work phone (could have)

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Love poem: Work phone

Originally titled: Scattered in assembly, grief like parasites

Let’s see if the other songs make me feel the same
In the summer you would wildly bake
I’m making cookies for you
I’m so wrapped up
I’m losing track of time
The thought of you along with me for the ride sounds mighty sweet
Peaches in the summertime
Salt underneath the white sunlight

You tell me I have a way with words
I don’t talk to you

I been trying to find a band that makes music like yours does
If it’s snowing outside, then I’ll know it
If you’re hopeful about us, I hope you show it
Ambivalent remarks
I have a reason to be mad
But you know I don’t like to get like that
The soft, almost hypnotic but still remaining delicate, haze leaves embers that are more like satin than I could envision, truly
Truly I won’t ever forget about you
Even when I’m in my bedroom and there’s nothing else to do
I draw fine point flowers, the ways you liked
You’d carry your bike up the stairs
You were the perfect height

Underneath that tree that looks like a willow tree, but it’s not
Yeah, I get caught in my fears
And yeah, I haven’t heard your voice in years
I go to the market and buy flowers for none other than myself
I’m so selfish, it seems
I’m not who you want me to be
I’m so much better & I decided against writing you a letter
You probably never get the mail

I was so shy the whole time
But I wasn’t tearing myself apart inside
A healthy alarm
A life on a Midwest farm
In Chicago I always felt sad for the horses carrying the carriages
& I thought about how beautiful marriage is

I’m obsessive over pearl white highlighter for my cheeks
You could have called me from your work phone
If you wanted it that badly, you could have called me from your work phone
I don’t count the numbers when I’m cycling down the street
I have your first song on repeat
I love that you wrote it about me

Go back when, go back when trails were fierce
My blouse, then, on fire, ashes coating my decay
It felt so bad
It felt so bad
You didn’t notice I missed you when I’d find myself next to empty space
You couldn’t have known, just call me on the phone
You could’ve called me from your work phone

I was scared that when the clouds would disappear my imagination would be as the vacant sky
Vast, open land
Ill-fated farmer’s tan
Picking strawberries, with you they were so sweet
I asked if you knew what you were doing to me
Our secret spot by the bar with the brutal death metal concert posters all over the walls
I loved you when I was in hell
Thousands of secrets I never got to tell
Nothing you have is from me to keep
I only sing to you when you’re falling asleep

Coat me in amphetamines
Coat me in amphetamines
One of us knows each other the best
The darkness fades away, I put it to rest
Flourish in the marine ecosystem like I just learned how to swim and I feel like I never ever want to stop
Yeah, I know about mirror neurons
And I know my long blue dress turns you on
I remember all of our songs
I knew what was under the rug all along
I only pretended to misplace your things

You never got ahold of me
You never got ahold of me
Not saying goodbye was awfully bold of me
That’s not what I’m like, but my mind just changed
Summers covered with insurmountable levels of pain
Everything adds up
You won’t catch up
Coat me in amphetamines
You could have called me from your work phone

You could have called











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Love poem: A lachrymal honeymoon in the sunshine

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Love poem: A lachrymal honeymoon in the sunshine

(Love): an intense feeling of deep affectionu003cbru003e(‘Fall in love’) – develop a deep romantic or sexual attachment to someone: u003cemu003eI’ve fallen in love with youu003c/emu003e | u003cemu003ewe were slowly falling in loveu003c/emu003e. u003cbru003eu003cbru003e(Lachrymal): u003cemu003eFormal or Literary u003c/emu003e- connected with weeping or tearsu003cbru003e(Lacrimal): u003cemu003ePhysiology u0026amp; Anatomyu003c/emu003e – concerned with the secretion of tears: u003cemu003elacrimal cells.u003c/emu003eu003cbru003e(Lacrimal or lacrimal bone) u003cemu003eAnatomyu003c/emu003e – a small bone forming part of the eye socket.u003cbru003eu003cbru003e

Are these the pills I’m supposed to be taking?
Are these flowers all for me?

I stare despondently into the future
I know nothing about florets or that which lies behind the ambivalent, shaking stars
The gals on the television
Their long, sultry dresses
Selling ironic nickels and dimes
Lana’s “Honeymoon” on constant replay because I feel betrayed
It’s been a long time coming, but I think he’ll stay
He has violet in his eyes
Marigolds by the window, by the crisp white sunshine
My best friend doesn’t respond to me
I’m reading something in the next room, endearingly so
I see tulips across the horizon
I see guns and I hear their vacant sounds
They soothe me like rivers in-between mountains that cater to the darker transparency of the light under a waning crescent moon
I’ve grown familiar with the taste of metal and dental floss
I want to go to bed early so that I can imagine the rain
The sweet petals on the floor
The bed in your wake

Million dollar babies
Spoke to a mean teenager at the coffee shop
A spilled Frappuccino and a run for my money
Happy because my bagel was warm
I’m getting older
I keep telling the same stories over and over
Nobody’s in town to come get me in their vintage pickup truck
I bought flowers for the entire month of May
It’s too early to tell but I think he’ll stay
Watermelon lime and gin, grapefruit cut into three pieces
Tell me you’ll love me tomorrow
The day after that too
Coffee to offset the backlash I get from loving you

My voice softens dreamily
Creating a reality nobody could dismiss
Rambling, awestruck
Catches a derision of an ill-fated, rather teenage perspective
Feels dim-witted, but it’s no crisis
Comfortable with our personal level of security
Intimacy to be identified with
Rose gold dazzling earrings for the evening bits
Cognizant that the perceptions of others are theirs to keep
And when we lie in our sweet coffins, our mothers will weep
I never want to wake you when I see you’re fast asleep
Picture me in your dreams
Growing fonder and fonder
I don’t scare, but I do startle
You know me; I collect pink vases – originally wine bottles
You know my last name but the spelling you’ve forgotten
I don’t get mad

Identifying the bones of the branches that fell from the Sycamore out back (where we sip coffee without sugar, because we live life to the fullest)
I told you live Oak weaves deep tangled webs you can’t escape from
Solemn state or black residue
I see myself in my visions of you
I’ll never bend or break, it’s not in my aptitude
You’re formulaic with cushion-cut diamonds and pink lemonade
For your favorite birthday, I’ll throw you a whole parade
Take you to Ireland, where the abandoned castles are made
Peach tint engraved
The days on the river with all the green
The way you looked at me
I could never get that scene out of my head
I never could

And when we lie in our tarnished coffins, our fathers won’t say much, but they too will weep
I never dare wake you up when I’m home late and you’re beautifully asleep
Playing with dandelions in your ivory dreams

I think this life’s a mess
But I’m growing fonder and fonder of its shortcomings, it seems
And I play Lana’s “Honeymoon” on enrapturing repeat
If you listened to the words, you’d see it was written just for me
She would deny it, but you’d have to agree
Concrete pours like sparkling waterfalls
Basking in the sunlight, as if God gave it to us for free
If Terrence loves you, then my god, you love me

The way you looked at me
I could never get that scene out of my mind
I never could