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Poem: Sent from heaven

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Poem: Sent from heaven

You’ve got me fucked up
(You’re no one in particular)
I’m collapsing in fever dreams
I’m weighed down by the fabric
You could ask me about life and I’ll tell you it’s tragic
I wish I could feel euphoria like he does when he’s manic


We separate in altercations, bruises as big as a nation
You punch me in my throat just to watch me choke
Lillies in the garden in Houston
I saw your missed calls
I was too busy reading about the physics of waterfalls
If the water could wash my sins away I wouldn’t be any different
I wish I could feel euphoria like he does when he’s manic

I love dual-toned pickup trucks cos I love things that are fucked up
I’d write out my speech but I can tell you have had enough
I don’t like to share my thoughts out loud
I color your hair blonde, you stare in the mirror & frown
You hate yourself most when you’re lost in a crowd
I can’t feel myself breathing
I hope to God death is coming now
Please, God
Please

Fiber glass like serene amphetamines
I knew it’d only get worse when I left my iridescent teens
I’d drive on the highway
Close my eyes
Pray they don’t show me on the news
No one would be surprised
Feeling alone is an understatement but it’s my second nature
And I’ll write your worst character flaws down on crisp white paper
I want to be dressed in my favourite gown
God forbid they find me naked
I used to think one day in my twenties, I’d make it

I’m not lost or confused
I am led to think that in this life it is I who is to choose
I make my decisions best on a porch swing
I told you a thousand times to pack your things
If you find yourself in prison I said you know who to ring
And if I picked up would you be upset
Would you damage my ruins because I left
Spent a lot of time apart, me I spent the time in thought
I had reasons to like myself but shortly after I forgot


My best friend isn’t my friend anymore
These things are transient, nothing I’m of more sure
People leave because they’re make-believe
I hid somewhere deep in your treasure chest
Curled up in your father’s grey sweater that you love the best
I’m a soft dove, here I arranged a little nest
Every question I have, you treat like a test
When I took hint of the absence in your brown eyes
I began to admire the curved shape of my thighs
And I could hardly taste the sour sting of your lies
Validation from you is not something I ever looked for
The smooth r&b in this bar makes me realize that was a mistake
But if anybody ever loves me I will feel that it’s fake
I’m sent from heaven but for this world I’m not quite made


I drive down the highway to Texas in the pitch black night with my eyes closed
I don’t have my headlights on
The roads start to spin and I disengage within
I’d make such a beautiful corpse but would my father ever see?

Was living this life meant to be?
In the middle of nowhere is the only place I can speak

God, I love amphetamines
If I’m found and my eyes are rolled back, you know it was meant to be

Hell means nothing to me.


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Love poem: A lachrymal honeymoon in the sunshine

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Love poem: A lachrymal honeymoon in the sunshine

(Love): an intense feeling of deep affectionu003cbru003e(‘Fall in love’) – develop a deep romantic or sexual attachment to someone: u003cemu003eI’ve fallen in love with youu003c/emu003e | u003cemu003ewe were slowly falling in loveu003c/emu003e. u003cbru003eu003cbru003e(Lachrymal): u003cemu003eFormal or Literary u003c/emu003e- connected with weeping or tearsu003cbru003e(Lacrimal): u003cemu003ePhysiology u0026amp; Anatomyu003c/emu003e – concerned with the secretion of tears: u003cemu003elacrimal cells.u003c/emu003eu003cbru003e(Lacrimal or lacrimal bone) u003cemu003eAnatomyu003c/emu003e – a small bone forming part of the eye socket.u003cbru003eu003cbru003e

Are these the pills I’m supposed to be taking?
Are these flowers all for me?

I stare despondently into the future
I know nothing about florets or that which lies behind the ambivalent, shaking stars
The gals on the television
Their long, sultry dresses
Selling ironic nickels and dimes
Lana’s “Honeymoon” on constant replay because I feel betrayed
It’s been a long time coming, but I think he’ll stay
He has violet in his eyes
Marigolds by the window, by the crisp white sunshine
My best friend doesn’t respond to me
I’m reading something in the next room, endearingly so
I see tulips across the horizon
I see guns and I hear their vacant sounds
They soothe me like rivers in-between mountains that cater to the darker transparency of the light under a waning crescent moon
I’ve grown familiar with the taste of metal and dental floss
I want to go to bed early so that I can imagine the rain
The sweet petals on the floor
The bed in your wake

Million dollar babies
Spoke to a mean teenager at the coffee shop
A spilled Frappuccino and a run for my money
Happy because my bagel was warm
I’m getting older
I keep telling the same stories over and over
Nobody’s in town to come get me in their vintage pickup truck
I bought flowers for the entire month of May
It’s too early to tell but I think he’ll stay
Watermelon lime and gin, grapefruit cut into three pieces
Tell me you’ll love me tomorrow
The day after that too
Coffee to offset the backlash I get from loving you

My voice softens dreamily
Creating a reality nobody could dismiss
Rambling, awestruck
Catches a derision of an ill-fated, rather teenage perspective
Feels dim-witted, but it’s no crisis
Comfortable with our personal level of security
Intimacy to be identified with
Rose gold dazzling earrings for the evening bits
Cognizant that the perceptions of others are theirs to keep
And when we lie in our sweet coffins, our mothers will weep
I never want to wake you when I see you’re fast asleep
Picture me in your dreams
Growing fonder and fonder
I don’t scare, but I do startle
You know me; I collect pink vases – originally wine bottles
You know my last name but the spelling you’ve forgotten
I don’t get mad

Identifying the bones of the branches that fell from the Sycamore out back (where we sip coffee without sugar, because we live life to the fullest)
I told you live Oak weaves deep tangled webs you can’t escape from
Solemn state or black residue
I see myself in my visions of you
I’ll never bend or break, it’s not in my aptitude
You’re formulaic with cushion-cut diamonds and pink lemonade
For your favorite birthday, I’ll throw you a whole parade
Take you to Ireland, where the abandoned castles are made
Peach tint engraved
The days on the river with all the green
The way you looked at me
I could never get that scene out of my head
I never could

And when we lie in our tarnished coffins, our fathers won’t say much, but they too will weep
I never dare wake you up when I’m home late and you’re beautifully asleep
Playing with dandelions in your ivory dreams

I think this life’s a mess
But I’m growing fonder and fonder of its shortcomings, it seems
And I play Lana’s “Honeymoon” on enrapturing repeat
If you listened to the words, you’d see it was written just for me
She would deny it, but you’d have to agree
Concrete pours like sparkling waterfalls
Basking in the sunlight, as if God gave it to us for free
If Terrence loves you, then my god, you love me

The way you looked at me
I could never get that scene out of my mind
I never could

Poem about love: My John Wayne boy

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Poem about love: My John Wayne boy

You said you never feel lonely
I could never get over that

We learned in class about some of your traits
An offbeat tendency to act relentless with your rage
The time capsules get dimmer the more we age
Born awkward and sour
The man finds his power
Resting on golden wings of a tranquil dreamscape
Favourite thing to do is to make pretty girls wait
All the right looks, though never able to relate
Slips through fractures, a constant change in state
How can it be this impossible to communicate
You locked all the doors and I can’t escape

 

With my love, my love
My patience, my love
My network of genes that cast shadows and glimpses
Upon me like several hundred suns
Making sure I am perceptible to the common eye
The idealist way of living
Captured stones and the complications of modern-day decision-making
Moons I don’t know the names of
Wait for the right moment
Wait for it to feel right
I promise I’m only made of immeasurable love
It just doesn’t matter, that’s what I was afraid of

Treating girls like you’re the man himself, John Wayne
Laconic, bashful, wading in the wash
Walking ‘round town like there’s something on your mind
Always looking down but never checking behind
The childlike part of you always so afraid
Couldn’t stop wondering what made a man that way
I got nine-hundred-ninety dollars and I want a new amp
You spent your life dreaming of the things you can’t have
At night your back hurts, no amount of pills for that
You spent your life savings wanting wealth so bad

Always stuck choosing between sweeter or sour

I look at you with fresh eyes
You don’t mirror my gaze
I count your neurotransmitters, tell you which are out of phase
Never tell you the number
I know you’re scared, my boy
I spent years trying to convince you life is for us to enjoy
But I’m just a girl, and you’re just a boy
I’m just a girl, and you’re just a boy
My lingering look unsettles you

Patience is for the people that simply can’t handle it
If you want to start over, you will have to manage it
Before your day trips come full circle, you can’t abandon it
Nobody got love by simply demanding it
I know a thing or two about vinyl & coffee ice cream
I could write an anthology filled with my daydreams
It’s nice on paper when nobody can hear your screams

In the rose garden we were seemingly scared of nothing
I couldn’t get my eyes off the deep green trees
The whole way home
Whatever you’ve got inside, you’ll never show
Those aren’t husband qualities – I know, you know
Have you ever thought of what it could be like to come home

You said you never feel lonely
I could never get over that
Rest your head, go to sleep
Think of love, try to imagine it

You don’t know what to think of
You don’t know what to think of
You don’t know what to think of
You don’t know what to think of

I could write an anthology filled with my daydreams
It’s nice on paper when nobody can hear your screams

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Poem: Call the cops, she’s in love

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Poem: Call the cops, she’s in love

Raspberries and bleachers, always got my head in the clouds
Let’s go to all the places we’re not allowed
Diamonds have meaning when I look at them now
It always feels special when you come around town
I place faith in you
Because you place value in me
Playing your new song with heavy surround sound

Being happy sounds nice & refreshing
It’s seldom what I’m ever expecting
And you know how I love to keep you guessing
Tune you in to that in which I’m obsessing

A transient thought
My hopeless nature
I’m getting the feeling I’m kind of your favourite

I place faith in you
Because you place value in me
Life is sublime with its intricate subtleties
Four thirty a.m., I’m so glad we could speak
Come over & share the entire room with me

Fresh rosemary and homegrown tomatoes on the vine
I’m one in a million
Truth be told, I’ll make you mine
I want to be there for you while I’m still in my prime
I’ll teach you the names of all the bones in your spine

I’m not going to leave
You paint the white on my teeth
I keep you somewhere very close to me
Honorable mention in my thoughts
Lemonade & apricots
Picnics underneath the white sunshine

I said it; I meant it
I laughed, then forgot
Your beloved sports team and our love for Arthropods
I’ll bring you calm whenever you get pissed off
Let’s live in the sparkling world that belongs to God

I tend to forget what I’m worth
I’ll trust that your intention is not to hurt
We’ll wear each others’ onyx black and charcoal grey shirts
We’ll create our own version of heaven on Earth

I’m willing to place faith in you
If you take notice of the value in me

I’m more than willing

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Poem: Baby-blue automobiles

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Poem: Baby-blue automobiles (yeah, you)

I ask you, “then how come we aren’t together?”
While you put your cigarette out in the pocket of your sweater,
And I think you’re confused
No way out, know I’ll lose
It’s not like I’ve given every last chance straight to you

Vintage baby-blue automobiles
Crystals, fragrance
Modern, ancient
Total & never-ending disengagement
Yeah, I meant it
Otherwise, I wouldn’t have said it
Vintage baby-blue automobiles
Hot like you’re burning, red hot wheels
I’ve already memorized how me leaving is supposed to feel

Sliding down playgrounds with a grey balloon in my hand
Wearing my Chicago Cubs baseball cap because I’m their biggest fan
You make fun of how pale I am, how I never seem to tan
It’s like this
It’s like this
Turn towards me
Turn towards me
One soft lock of hair, boy with a nosebleed

It’s like this
It’s like this
Just sit still
(Just stay still)
Mornings sitting on the hood of your car
Talking about how in our lives we haven’t made it very far
Vintage baby-blue automobiles
Prove to me that this time your love will be real
Promise and don’t lie that like summer, I will feel
Turn towards me
Turn towards me

It’s like this
It’s like this
Just sit still
(Fucking stay still!)
Mornings sitting on the trunk of your car
Talking about how, baby, you’re gonna be a star
Vintage baby-blue automobiles
Swear to me that this time your love will be real
Promise and don’t lie that the ocean will turn me surreal
Make me feel hopeless

You’re perfect
So worth it
You’re perfect
So worth it

You hurt me
On purpose
You’re perfect
So worth it

On purpose
So worthless

You’re perfect
So worthless
Baby-blue automobiles

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Spotify playlists for your enjoyment: https://open.spotify.com/user/silvvv35?si=9b399ba528a54abf