Lilac Dove

None of my friends wished me a happy birthday
And I forgot to do the laundry, my stained black dress
I contemplated if my life was a mess
But I wanted to be positive from now on
The kind of girl that tries pretty lingerie on
With the curtains closed and the Christmas lights shining
To feel so divine, so divine
Whether or not you’re mine, you’re mine
You’re not mine

None of my friends knew it was my birthday
The same way they don’t read my poetry
It’s a tiny bit saddening to me
I don’t want to wallow in my own spit
Don’t want to produce a habit out of it
Want to come home to all the lights shining, lit
I can’t get over it

None of my friends got me gifts for my birthday
You know all I really love are greeting cards
A present without one is no present at all
Yet no presents at all doesn’t feel so bizarre
It’s always been this way as far as I can tell
My worth as a person, that’s a value I can’t sell
I can’t get over it
I can’t get over it

I want to come home to all the lights on, lit
I want to run circles around my friends and say “tag, you’re it”
I want a celebration of my birthday to be a habit of it
I can’t get over it

Play me like a video game
I’ll make you do things that’ll make you feel ashamed
Boy, boy
You’re engrained in my brain
But you can’t stop the pain
It comes like hurricanes
But it doesn’t go

Boy, boy
With your video games
Better say my name
Right, right
Invite me to spend the night
Even though all your roommates do is fight
Being in bed holding your hand is really quite nice
I’m engaged to the night

We can block out the noise
Treat each other like toys
I’m just a blonde girl and you’re one of the boys
Encapsulated by this

Play me like a video game
The way you talk to me drives me insane
You know I’m wild and you, you’re soft and you’re tame
Boy pour me some crisp champagne
Boy, boy
You take away all the pain
Except when you go

It’s 6 in the morning, the time I usually wake up, but I haven’t closed my eyes yet
I spent all night choking myself
Thinking I’m not going anywhere with this gig
The same old thing
This long ol’ stretch
It’s beginning to work its way up my neck
Like a python, babe
You love to misbehave

You like to take me to that dark, dark place
Be the one only thing I can hold still to grab to
Get really attached to
Let my blonde hair down
Light a couple of matches
Birthday candles for two
I never said I was in love with you

The cashiers always watch me shake to pieces
They never ask, just watch
When my cut-up fingers rummage through my flamingo wallet
The zipper’s broken & I’m holding up the line
I wonder if they think I’m nervous
As if they’re so important
But they are important
To their families, maybe
Just not to me
Just not to me

My eyes feel so hollow
Like you could eat pudding out of my sockets
You roll out of your Benz and you lock it
Not once, not twice
A series of trials
For now I’ll remain in denial
Whatever it takes to hold your hand for a while

Pretty girls like me don’t smile
We’re the unlucky ones
I’m so dependent on my gun
Walk around town
Conceal and carry
Like wild, wild berries
You say the word, I’ll let you know which direction you should run
Hair bleached, face burned by the sun
On the count of one

Run

You talk to me as if I’m a child
And I am a child
To you
Over a foot smaller than you
How many fights I’ve had over you

Lightwaves that produce the perception of color
The dress I wore for you
You didn’t really notice
You never really do
But still I’m quite fond of you
So all is forgiven
My sweet, sweet boy
Who I play like a toy
You’ll be what the world enjoys

Even when you’re under the weather
I want them to know we’re together
I’ll say it a hundred times
You’re mine
You’re mine
You’re mine
With your Volcom clothes
I get ready for you
Black heels, I’ll wear those
But you never notice
You never do
Just how it goes
All for you, I suppose