Poem: Cushion-cut sparkles & your vinyl on my wall

My favorite time in Chicago is when it snows

The happiest, the saddest

My father never met my lover

Wash my soft, graceful face with rosewater
He never told anybody but I know I was his favorite daughter
We weren’t the kind to shop in departments
Me and my collages, alone in my apartment
The brick wall where I hung your vinyl cover
That I took on polaroid
In the Spring

Every birthday of mine is spent at a rose garden
Didn’t catch your last insult, I beg your pardon?
I’m decaying slowly
Can everyone tell?
A marine biologist
Tall, and bright in his field
Who only owns one plastic shell
He says the real things – they never actually sell
A set of crucifixes, medium-well
You cheat on your wife, your friends never tell

 


I’d never depart

I loved to love you; you loved to be loved by me

I remember when.

Keepsakes
My engagement ring
Beloved thing
Almost died, how beautiful of a Spring
I love diamonds, yes I do
The shine, the glamour
Reminds me of somebody I think about being
But have no route to that sort of life
See the deep amber skies
Can’t ever tell if people are saying hello or their final goodbyes
I’ve got the most beautiful green eyes
But a boy never told me that
And I don’t ever expect one to
I just read about it in the novels
Jane Austen, Aldous Huxley
Mansfield Park, Charlotte Bronte
Things fall apart
Oh yeah
Things
Fall
Apart

In the mirror, I look so strange

Most scathing dissection of the hollowness
That American society barely trembles on
Dystopian but generic
I hate to speak out loud
Hate that irreversible girl sound
Hypnotic, devastating
Tell me I’m hopelessly divine!
I think I lost my tablet –
The great tragedy of our time!

I picked out my children’s names
Then decided to never conceive
Unless my husband said please
Chest to ground, down on his knees

When my lost love proposed to me
I had one beautiful engagement ring
Later that season
He said goodbye to me
I sold it for free

We shall part like the sea
As if it was ever to be
I would’ve died happily

I would’ve died gratefully

 

I would have died fulfilled and free
The lost art of caring for me


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Poem: Your friend and other things

Being
So
Far,
It hurts
I don’t know if I fell in love with you, or your black shirt
Simple
I like plain
I want to watch the recording of us dancing again
The one I made up in my brain
In two separate plains
You’re the cutest when you look me directly in my eyes
The only guy that (maybe) to me never lies
Someone who reads, but wouldn’t call himself wise
Tolerant
Patient
Kind

It’s
Never
Going
To
Happen
No doubt, I’m sure
My new coat is black faux fur
You’d hate it!
I look like Lucille Bluth
It’s straight comedy
Come to bed with me
I see you as shy, but maybe I’m wrong
Maybe you’re secretly an outspoken guy
With me I like how you talk
Except the morning when you drove me home
So bitter around sunlight!
You just
Give me goosebumps
My frail body is covered
I’ll be your friend and your lover

(cont)… 

 

I’ll come over
Ask you for a drink
Then, another
Try not to make it overwhelmingly obvious
I’m not much of an actress
I tend to spill
Picture us in a field— me with a polaroid camera, you with a daffodil
We’d be happy in that still

Around you I don’t get emotional
Your presence just calms me down
Think that’s why I’m so eager to share with you the ground
Cover your walls to amplify surround sound
I’m a girl, not a musician
Don’t know why you do the things you do
Smoke a few in your kitchen
I stay quiet, you talk, I do nothing but listen
Any day of the week
Happy

You told me you read these
Let’s see
Are you lying to me?

Me with a polaroid camera
You with a daffodil
I created that in my mind, I’m still waiting until…

 

I’m a girl, not a musician
Don’t know why you do the things you do
Smoke a few in your kitchen
Nothing else I’d rather do


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Poem: In your company

How do I tell you, that you’re the love of my life
That sometimes when I daydream
I picture being your wife
I know I act like a diva
But I’ll take any ring you can afford
Life has been hard on us
I want so bad to console you
To adore you, never control you
I’m finding it so hard to say the right things

Please always be here, right at my wing
I need you so I cannot break
My head on your shoulder
Your hand on my spine
If I could, I would be with you, all of the time

You let me decorate the walls with fashion and moons
Bridal advertisements for their colors and luxe
With you I’m fucked out of luck
I’lll never have you how I want
You don’t think I understand you, you’re making the wrong bet
If you were a school of fish I’d be your fishnet
Save you from the perils of the sea
Surgically transform your gills into breathing mechanisms

I can’t believe I’m saying this but you know I would die for you
And that couldn’t be more true
But in your company I am dying myself
Succumbing to pain
It hurts
So
Much
To not be able to reach you like I want
To you it’s like I’m writing in an illegible font
I’m looking right at you but you’re glancing away
Between us there’s so goddamn much we have to say
I get on my knees and beg you to try things my way

With you I’m fucked out of luck
I’ll never have you how I want
In your company I’m dying already

It’s been a slow, debilitating, painful death
I’m close to reaching the heavenly sunset
I love you forever
Say goodbye to my pets

Poem: Whiskey in the sunshine

I always forget

In the cool blue like it’s the ocean


1

You
With your sanitary hand napkins
That you specifically call towelettes
Not an English accent but it’s the best
I always forget what state you’re from
And you tease me for that very gesture

2

You
Still come by
Even though I told you not to anymore
Sunday morning, you show up at my door
And you proceed to infiltrate
Ask me who bought those flowers
(Me)
Ask me who I’m getting ready for
(Myself)
Take a book about romance and passion off my bookshelf
“By mistake”

3

You don’t make mistakes
You’re this rare thing, you were born immaculate
The only thing about you is your greed
Your hunger
You push me down under
The water, when we’re swimming
I love to bask in the cool blue like it’s the ocean
I’m relieved you don’t have blue eyes
Thank god you’re not one of those guys
You tutor me in math and I give you chocolates
That I pocket from the work parties I choose not to attend
I have plans
Baby
I got plans

4

You only wear Vans
Such a boy you are!
I like when you play fight with me
Rummage through my hair
That I combed neatly for our “date”
I like that you participate
We’re like two soldiers at war
That have each others’ back
When I thought you left I had a panic attack
I promised I’d get you back

5

Get you back
You’d have to be mine first
And you know, that sounds like an intolerable curse
Being in love with you would possibly be the worst
But we’d go out all the time
Sip the whiskey I like under the warm sunshine
Spend the day together on Valentine’s
Come away with me
Let my pink nails scratch your head
That’s the only way you can get to bed

6

Now I have you stuck in my head
And you know, that sounds like an intolerable curse
We’re like two soldiers at war
Except I’d be smiling at you too much to shoot
And you know I love to shoot

7

But then there’s you 

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Poem: Our warm bedroom

Last night I had a poem stuck in my head
And I did nothing about it as I lay in my bed
It was about the golden days in Chicago ,
When we lived in that small apartment
And we were so happy.

I was tossing and turning
Trying to get it out of my mind
And all of those words I came up with, I soon left behind
I chose not to write about those wonderful days
That I romanticize, just a little
You have to romanticize everything
Just a little
That’s how you go on living

Someday I’ll go mad because I won’t remember
How cold it was when we moved in on September
How much joy I got from the fire escape
As it looked upon the downtown, so far away
You could hardly catch a glimpse
But with my cigarette lit
I was in heaven.

I was in pure heaven.