My birthday

I went to a rose garden on my birthday
And the beach
I thought of you

White, tender flowers
Softer than soft can be
Soft, just like me
Quiet and still
A few moments until
The rain came down, it spilled

I was at the beach on my birthday
The tide was thin but sweet
I was walking, bare feet
Didn’t have my bathing suit on
So I undressed to my bra
Didn’t have much makeup on
Crisp in the flesh

I was born on that day
The day of surprise
Sand stuck to my thighs
No deceit, and no lies
It was nice to be there
So nice to be there
With you unaware
It was my sweetest birthday

1st of September

It’s the first of September
13 days ’till my birthday, remember?
I haven’t spoken to you in what feels like forever
But now it’s September
And I’m dancing anew
Around my kitchen with my canvas ballet shoes on
Glimmering
Someone asked me if ballerinas really stand on their toes
I laughed and said “well, that’s how it goes”
How we can be so far apart but sometimes feel so, close

You make me
You make me
Comatose

I want to grab you a beer but you’re not here
You’re off doing whatever you like
With a girl like me, yeah, sike
Missed opportunities
Looking out the window
Sipping matcha green tea and staring in the mirror
Like, what do I see here?
The girl who got away
Who had months she wanted to stay
My hip bones show the start of decay

Have I told you how much I love phone calls
When the phone rings, I drop all my things
I pick up the receiver like a delicate secretary
But these days I just hit decline
These days I don’t even buy myself wine
I used to sip it all the time
On the phone with you
Talking about your tattoos
I was stuck to you like glue
On the wrong page

To hear your laugh again
I’d fade into the sea
I’d ask you to swim with me
You’d laugh and say “we’ll see”

So we’ll see

My bare thighs

I’m standing like bamboo
Wishing I was closer to you
From across the city sphere
Count the ways we disappear
Is it sound to say I’m right here

My brain makes too much noise
There never were other boys
I promise, I’m free and coming clean
There was nobody in between

To fall for false truths
It was the summer of disguise
When you touched my bare thighs
You manipulated me and you sighed

I was wasting my potential
The roses died, just to mention
It’s like I said in my clause
Where’s the glory with no applause
What’s the story that’s true
Lying is so far beneath you
I felt defeated and screwed
But then I met another dude
Turns out he’s just like you

When you touched my bare thighs
My brain makes too much noise
I promise I wasn’t lying
When I said there were no other boys
Head up, I maintain my irreconcilable poise
Have fun with your anonymous toys
Do you learn their names?
Does it ever stop the noise?

I know you’re bored

I know you well

Cancer

Stuck on you like candy blue
I want to seep you in like maroon
My body’s disjointed and out of touch
Didn’t know somebody could love me this much
It was terrible, a bit too much

Concrete ground is so nice to lay on
When the cars hurriedly pass by
Everyone’s so aggressive, I don’t get why
I’m playing with a stream that started from the Northside
It’s digging holes in me
I have to go inside

A dark cavern is lit by the girls who smile
We’re delighted in conversation so we don’t mind taking a while
Chrysanthemums at the door, left for one of the dancers
I ask the doorman, he knows all of the answers
He told me I look like cancer

He told me I look like cancer
But I’m just a delicate dancer
It’s not my fault I’m decayed
It’s not my fault he never stayed

This is what it looks like to be betrayed

Sugar

Blue periwinkle dress
Table for two
Concerns on my part
What’s sewn’s torn apart
I like your soft grace
Your willingness to chase
Your tendency to amaze
How you match my soft gaze
I think of all of the ways
To show you I care

Three teaspoons of sugar
In my coffee
But you like yours black, cold brew
And I really do like you
Stuck on me like a flu
There’s nothing I can really do
But stop and tell you
That I’m not in love with you
Yet
Those feelings are far-fetched
In my brain you roughly sketched
A picture of wheels and a deck
I grabbed you by the neck
Were you breathing, I had to check
And you weren’t
You were holding your breath

You were holding your breath