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Month: June 2021
Poem: Lying in a field of daisies
Poem: Lying in a field of daisies
It was Saturday; daisies and sweet sunshine
I bought myself kiwi-watermelon wine
Caught up to you right on time
After work you have a few hours to see me
I’m trying real hard to not tell you the truth about all of the things that are going on with me
If you knew, you’d flee
Though I do better when you’re gone
I never said that I was done
But I like holding your arm like this
Introduce me to your adorable little fish
That you have different names for, and varying relationships with
I almost died on the sixth
You were the last thing on my lips
Your apartment’s above a bakery so we wake up to the smell of cookies and muffins
You ask me something serious, I tell you I got nothing
I’m not made out the way you wanted
I can tell, my thoughts are haunted
I wonder if you’d mind if I just, disappeared
For a while
Long enough to write more poetry that isn’t about you
Long enough to find myself in ways more than pink and blue
Long enough to try to escape the physical body I feel chained and restrained to
Look, it’s going to rain
It’s like God saw me and noticed I’m in pain
I wish I could see my dad again
I looked through my tank playing cards, admiring that T-34
I found his old letters, so many pages I gripped, and I tore
I couldn’t stop myself
I wanted them off my shelf
I should have called for help
But I don’t know whether you are or you aren’t one of those boys that picks up the phone when a girl calls you in the middle of the work day
And to be honest I wasn’t ready to find out that way
So on my light pink bedspread I fell backwards and lay
The moon orchestrated this day
I have faith in the sun but not the stars
I love the different models of them high-up cars
I don’t really mind if all we go to are bars
Just know that here we are
In a place that’s
Silent
Quiet
Not meant for people that bring the noise
Lying in a field of daisies
For a young ballerina, I’ve never looked so poised
And I know by your expression that it makes you annoyed
Go to sleep, close your eyes, listen to the twirling fan noise
Lying in a field of daisies
My response to your behavior has got me annoyed
I’ll stay in a hotel tonight, I’ll pay the fee
Maybe when I get out, I’ll finally be free
Lying in a field of daisies
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Poem: In retrospect (amphetamines)
Poem: In retrospect (amphetamines)
I’m starting to wonder what I’m like without the amphetamines
I already know I’m hostile and mean
Your blue eyes don’t interest me
I like them brown
I like my men grown
Got themselves together
An automobile and incoming checks
At least enough to pay their own rent
Money well spent
Money well spent
I’m starting to wonder what I’m like without the benzodiazepines
I remember you and I at Seal Beach when things were serene
Then I fought you in the loft
That changed your opinion from me as soft
I almost won
I almost won
I’m starting to wonder what I’m like without the lithium carbonate
Go to the skate park just to watch the boys skate
I like seeing them try their best
I like seeing them try their best
Blues and greys intertwine
Red is the colour of my favourite wine
I have an inverted disc in my spine
I perk up and sit up straight
Think I’m real hot ’cause I got a nice date
He passes me utensils and chews with his mouth closed
He’s smart and he’s sharp, a good fit I suppose
But you and I are chapters I’d rather not close
I’m starting to wonder what it’s like by not going on a date with someone just to feel far from you
Escape is far-fetched
I loved us in the sun at the beloved Malibu
My heart-shaped sunglasses because I’m such a beauty queen
Your ache-filled stories about essentially being a grown-up teen
You made me smile with my teeth
You made me smile with my teeth
But I felt disposable to you
The next girl will come, and I’ll be nothing to you
As the seasons change this is something I should expect
But I look at my phone and there are no better prospects
With me it takes forever for me to connect
Speckled-birds sing a melody in the tree
I think they’re singing for me
I think they’re singing for me
This isn’t a love poem but I’ll still make it pink
Remember in my floral dress I poured you a cold drink
We were never on the same page, I think
And I know you read my poems
And I know you read my poems
And I know you read my poems
And I know you won’t read this
Harmony is a difficult attachment to break
Instagram Icon-message-2 SoundcloudPoem: Poems for him pt. 1
Poem: Poems for him pt. 1
David Hume said
Who says things will continue to operate the same as they have?
We use inferential reasoning in our own lives
You swim in the pool
I rub sunscreen onto my inner thighs
I’m closer with you than with the other guys
Throw you your sunglasses and I sit right back
On this lounge chair I can relax
But knowing what I know is kind of evil
It’s enveloping me, I can feel it
You tell me the truth, let’s make it even
But you don’t really care ’bout how I’m feeling
We expect things to happen because we have observed that this is the case many times before
Like when you had me lying down on the kitchen floor
My legs got really sore
I hate the smell of Whiskey and your gentle vibe was no more
I spent my Friday lying on the kitchen floor
You tell me the truth, let’s make it even
But you never cared ’bout how I’m feeling
So why do I still go to you for a reason
Catch me in June, wearing dresses for the season
If I tell, they’ll lock you up for treason
You little anarchist, you
But my mind changes day to day
Yet some things stay the same
How scared I am of how much I might
Want you
Need you
Like a snake crawling around my soft neck
Fragility looks good on me, baby
That’s what you used to say to me
Smoothness and fur
In a sec I’ll be out the door
Calling me names, say I’m a wh***
I don’t know what you’re playing these games for
I spent my Saturday lying on the floor
The white tiles deliver me a kind of comfort that you never could
I should get up, take a shower
I really should
But lying here for hours
It kind of feels good
It’s not my choice
It’s the big bad boy’s
Relinquished my ability to feel any joy
Of course, it’s you
It’s you, of course
I lose, you win
You win, I lose
The spite and rage I no longer choose
What’s your excuse?
Two tickets for the Chicago cubs
You only do that when you’re in love
Sunflowers and rosemary growing in the garden
Where’d you come from, making me uncertain
The city didn’t shape you- your roots are suburban
Your words are empty, your pockets too
You bend down carefully, you’re smiling at me too
Don’t know what you want
Don’t know what you want
Don’t know what you want
Can’t be lying on the floor anymore
Can’t be lying
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