Lilac Dove

Out of three girls I was chosen not to be the girlfriend
What’s funny is that there were three girls to choose from
And I
I did not make the cut
Cut like fresh cut flowers that go in a clear vase
Vase like what you throw at him when it all ends
You mutually break the news that it’s not working but
He just has to take one last take at showing off snide adolescent wit
So really

Whose fault is that

It gets me every time
Your clandestine grin
Sends shivers down my spine
Keys in the ignition, I sit and wait
Mentally prepare for us to meet
Once again, return as lovers
To be unspoken things
Lemonade in a pastel green glass cup
You’re heavenly don’t you know
I spit you out

No right turn so we lean to the left
California sunflowers are your favorite
I sprinkle flower seeds onto the front row
Of a garden I intend to bury myself into
You tell me I’m like sweet strawberries
I draw into my shell
Safety
Passion
Shelter
You’ll yell at me later
Tell me I’m up to no good
Though I’m spending my afternoons in the garden playing with rubber bands as I watch the sunset
As the sun drops down into the sky and the abyss
We wave goodbye to it
A peaceful display of joie de vivre
It’s what the kids have come out for, on their skateboards, bicycles, and razor scooters
The sound of laughter in the background
Between us too
Boy, I like you

We take it back to old history
You miss me
You really miss me
You tell me I look pretty
I’m dressed up in chiffon and you in leather
We look so good together
That’s the way it is
It’s cold back where it’s bliss
I can’t stand your voice and you can’t stand mine
You confuse me all the time
It’s jeopardizing the tranquility we forged
I could have saw it coming but I was busy in the garden
Doing bad things to you
Asking to go to Malibu
Telling you to get right or it’ll be on the news

You tell me I’m like sweet strawberries
Send shivers down my spine
Cast me another favor
Tell me that all the time
Promise me you’re mine

Boy, I like you
I really, really do

Effort is bliss
Times are changing
I’ll forgive you if you forgive me too

I’m standing alone in a crowd full of people
Who look nothing like you
And I look for you

Above the landscape
Many photographs are taken
People want to show their kids

Road trips to Manhattan
Watching the skylights
Things we saw, things we did

I recognize you from somewhere
Somewhere precious and green
You’re both dignified and kind

We hurry to meet your friends
We pass by loud mountains and cherry trees
My need to capture it all, you don’t mind

Feels like we’re spinning all the time
Feels like you’ll catch me from behind
Feels like why I met you, I know why

I sigh in defeat
At the end of the day
Close the curtain and mark my exit

You’re frustrated but won’t show it
I wish you’d just let it out
I know you’re desperate

But disease spreads like wildfire
And we’re warm on the couch
Hand me a Margarita with lime

Feels like we’re spinning all the time
Feels like you’ll catch me from behind
Feels like why I met you, I know why

You’re both dignified and kind

I love when you grab my hand
When you take me, pull me close
Love when you say that you like me the most

It’s charming, I suppose

Your Canterbury bells laugh
The smoothness of my thighs
I like to keep my body a surprise

Aloe Vera lining the garden
A chimney ridding of our exhaust
With you I won’t dismiss the opportunity cost

In your laugh I get lost

Daisies covering my sheer white dress
Long nails clicking quickly on my phone screen
Sometimes you’re sweet, sometimes you’re mean

Riding downtown, back of your motorcycle
I throw my arms up and embrace the cold wind
I throw my arms up and lose control
Knowing full well you won’t let me
Won’t let me out of your grasp

Sometimes you’re sweet, sometimes you’re mean
On occasion there’s a happy medium, a wavering in-between
But this time you bicker at me like an untamed preteen

Why on the weekends do you get so green

It isn’t fair to me
Your favorite girl
It isn’t what I deserve
I give you the world

It isn’t what I deserve

But I have rose-colored glasses on
I forgive you every time
I want to spend my days
Loving you in the hot sunshine

But I can’t make you mine
I can’t make you mine
But I can’t make you mine
I can’t make you mine

Your condo’s for rent
I’m angry
I only just got my key

I’m standing in the front yard
Wild strawberries circle around my unevenly suntanned legs
I reach down and taste one
It’s sweet, like me
It’s bitter, like you

We embrace
Like it was just yesterday, our first
Inviting me to the midnight blue condominium where we grew basil on the fire escape and almost set the kitchen on fire
Multiple times
Blue – the color of constancy
Dependability and trust

Here I stand now, sacrificing the beauty of these small, delicate berries for my selfish desires
I chew and I swallow and you smoke by the Benz
Swimming across the ocean
Fading into black
Be right back, you say a million times until it starts to ring in my head like loudspeakers in a school setting

Come back to me
Don’t wilt
I’ll be here

Upright position
You tell me not to slouch
I run my fingers through your hair and you purr like a satisfied feline who’s got nothing but comfort in its soul
I want that for you because you deserve it
But the abstract plays a reduction technique within its own self and there’s no room for consolation

We wave goodbye from the Benz
I open the glove compartment and find my make-up bag
My Kohl eyeliner has melted and smeared in its plastic packaging
And I’m reminded that I’m still a piece of you
Mine mine mine is in yours yours yours
Safe to keep

We pick up fresh strawberries from a kind seller on the side of the road
Making our way to a locksmith for me to get my new key to your freshly sealed deal
The strawberries are dripping water and are lush
Too good to be true
They’re sweet, like me and you