Lilac Dove

Hydrangeas are the softest flower
My life, has turned painfully sour
Where I go, I don’t know
I cast my seeds, but I don’t sow
I want to dream of a paradise
But every day you’re being not so nice
And I’m fading into the black
It’s starting to feel there’s no turning back

I’m awake at midnight, no early bedtime
The laughter with you, the sweetest of times
I keep it in my heart, somewhere safe
But lately the path to it has felt like a maze
I’m drawing parallels between you and me
But your new girlfriend is far too pretty
Placing symbols on the things you’ve done
Though our deeper love has just begun

I don’t want to be alone all these nights
I want to tell you these things without the hostile fights
Making melancholy films of me undressing
Just to captivate you, stop you from stressing
It’s all for you after all
And deeper into madness I continue to fall
Until finally there’s nothing left of me
You’ll have used me up, don’t you see

I want the passion and the sunrise
I want you to show up, come by by surprise
Capture me in my best light
At least start by saying good night
You’re wild and you’re free, won’t you share
When I spin out of control, won’t you care

I want to be your absolute
But let’s start with telling each other the complete truth
I know it’s hard to do
I know it’s hard to do
I know it’s hard to do
I know it’s hard to do

I sing into teacups
Because they
Drown out the noise

Down at the skate park
With my headphones on
Here come the boys

I grew a garden
Up in the sky
No temper tantrums

Cobwebs in corners
Standing on tip toes
Thinking how handsome

Getting smaller
Not trying to
The comfiest mattress

Lana’s voice is silk
It fulfills me
When I fade into blackness

Him and his hat
I adore both
Though they bring sadness

I am your fake smile
Make your wish well
Photographs are static

Applying regret
Holding together tact
Resume composure

Oh god please
Don’t you tell me
That this is over

Though they bring sadness
Though they bring sadness
When I fade into blackness
When I fade into blackness

Trying to think about something that isn’t you
But is it true
That you’re a liar too

It goes on and on in my head
The sweet looks you give me
But first and foremost I know you’re coy
Don’t laugh at me boy

I devised a plan to get you to me but now it’s all crumbled up and in the trash
Because I don’t need that
I don’t need to chase after you
I’ve got deeper magnitudes
Besides, I’m softer than you
And spiraling and talking about Malibu
Trying to remember, to remember

Is it overbearing or underwhelming?
I’m a mere shadow on a casket
I’m sleek and I chirp like a little finch
I do it all to get you closer, just an inch
But if I’m not your only then what can I be
A plain taken-with-no-sugar cup of tea
Where else but me will you find serenity
And how selfish of me is that

It all exists in the abstract
You and me– we divide– then come together and dive
Into our own separate seas where you are you and I am me
And we barely communicate through our treacherous waters
Don’t admit that we want escape
That we want someone there with us

You can call me
Come find me
Hold me real nicely
But don’t let me run from you
Because when I do
I go far