Crisp green apples

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I’m going to get through this
Whether you and I do this
Or not
I can do big things within my small frame
In the daytime when you’re sleeping and you’re soft and you’re tame
You drive me insane!
You can’t even spell my last name

I woke up and was afraid of you
That crisp honeysuckle, ash-shed night
You made the lights all bright
Wanted to see me, see me, in crystal pure
I looked at your light skin, green eyes, and felt unsure
You were out the door

Early-morning awakening, remnants of stars
We only get along because we stay from each other afar
Cool jazz, background, playing from another place
You hop off the kitchen counter and you cradle my face
You only wear black, we say goodbye on Sundays
Am I worth the chase?

Chill breeze flowing through my long blonde hair
You aren’t one to admire but you’re trying not to stare
You’re trying not to stare
I’m well aware
You want the whole day with me
Daisies at the market, we stand in line
For the other girls you’re purchasing red wine
And you whisper in my ear, it’s only you and me this time

Well I feel mighty fine
Crisp green apples from your father’s tree
I’m going to make you mine
Only you and me this time

Matter (cobain)

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My friends don’t read my poetry
Even when they say they do
They don’t know black from blue
They don’t know deranged like I do

My friends don’t text me back
Nobody sees me as important
I’m real funny, know that for sure
But when things get real, people get bored
A pretty girl in a stained dress is such an eyesore

My friends don’t come pick me up, say I live too far
I’m in the middle of nowhere next to an empty park
I’d go running at night but I’m scared of the dark
Scared of having to tell officers I don’t know my way home
The sound of cars used to soothe me to sleep
Now it won’t leave me alone
Too nostalgic for the city
That was when people thought I was pretty
We’d lay on the ground and laugh
Like, I got your back
No matter how far

My friends don’t exist in my life anymore
Unless I make one up, like Cobain
My god, that man was in such pain
He understood what it felt like to be annoyed
How impossible it is to fill a black-and-white void
Because when they no longer love you, they destroy

Forty seconds till it matters
Rain on my roof, pitter patter
Basement rats, watch them scatter
I just wish I fucking mattered

I just wish I-

Your needs (horrifying)

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Inside of you there’s something horrifying that nobody can touch
I’ve seen it
I’ve felt it
It was inescapable because I loved you so much
I’d crumble straight into dust
And you’d put on your yellow gloves
And do what you do
You get rid of me
Dark charcoal clouds of animosity
For what?

Your fear of being too much
For one person
Because you know how hard you can crush a girl like me like stained glass
A vase that’s been holding your freshest flowers and keeping them alive for a year
Blended into the scenery
You, unimpressed with the blooming
Coming home, everyday fuming
White roses on Cherry Ave
I loved that day, how about you

Emergency calls
Getting so mad you punch holes in my walls
Loved you so much I didn’t mind
Loved you so much I paid the fine
I let it go every single time
You were gone when you were mine
Loved you so much I thought things were fine
Loved you so much with or without the wine
You didn’t believe me

You didn’t need me
You needed
Help

None of my friends said “happy birthday”

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None of my friends wished me a happy birthday
And I forgot to do the laundry, my stained black dress
I contemplated if my life was a mess
But I wanted to be positive from now on
The kind of girl that tries pretty lingerie on
With the curtains closed and the Christmas lights shining
To feel so divine, so divine
Whether or not you’re mine, you’re mine
You’re not mine

None of my friends knew it was my birthday
The same way they don’t read my poetry
It’s a tiny bit saddening to me
I don’t want to wallow in my own spit
Don’t want to produce a habit out of it
Want to come home to all the lights shining, lit
I can’t get over it

None of my friends got me gifts for my birthday
You know all I really love are greeting cards
A present without one is no present at all
Yet no presents at all doesn’t feel so bizarre
It’s always been this way as far as I can tell
My worth as a person, that’s a value I can’t sell
I can’t get over it
I can’t get over it

I want to come home to all the lights on, lit
I want to run circles around my friends and say “tag, you’re it”
I want a celebration of my birthday to be a habit of it
I can’t get over it

Video Games

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Play me like a video game
I’ll make you do things that’ll make you feel ashamed
Boy, boy
You’re engrained in my brain
But you can’t stop the pain
It comes like hurricanes
But it doesn’t go

Boy, boy
With your video games
Better say my name
Right, right
Invite me to spend the night
Even though all your roommates do is fight
Being in bed holding your hand is really quite nice
I’m engaged to the night

We can block out the noise
Treat each other like toys
I’m just a blonde girl and you’re one of the boys
Encapsulated by this

Play me like a video game
The way you talk to me drives me insane
You know I’m wild and you, you’re soft and you’re tame
Boy pour me some crisp champagne
Boy, boy
You take away all the pain
Except when you go