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1 boy 1 girl

distantcaveLeave a comment

Our alleged anniversary is just arriving
Been trying to remain yours, trying & trying
I feel like I can’t speak to you about this
Until it grasps me and handcuffs my wrists
I’m a free woman, perhaps not so free
But in the mirror I look so pretty
Chamomile flowers frame my hair and face
You’re looking for your keys that you never misplace
I’m at the bottom of the world, but I’m ace
I’m ace and in first place
First place
I’m in first place

I want you to think about how you talk to me
I’m scared to say but it makes me feel you don’t truly
Love me
Hold me in high regard
When you shut down all of my remarks
I want to have the most wonderful anniversary
But I might have to give a statement- her or me
I can’t keep swimming in the abandoned sea
It’s lost all its sparkle to glamorous me
You’re my only love; can’t you see

I’m in my bathing suit in the wild sunshine
No matter what, if you call, I’ll be on the line
My love, that should go both ways
Though I’m not really sure these days
You keep on pushing me away
You push me away
And yes I have the guts to be with you, to stay
But I’m not the only girl and that pains my veins

To be or not to be the only one

You’re the only one for me
You’re the only one for me
You’re the only one for me
You’re the only one for me

I’m in my bathing suit in the wild sunshine
No matter what, if you call, I’ll be on the line
My love, that should go both ways
Though I’m not really sure these days

Console me and love me
Console me and love me
I’m the only one for you
I’m the only one for you
Ful stop

Together

distantcaveLeave a comment

Black metal and a peach
I call you, I’m not feeling fine
This has been happening all of the time
This pit in my stomach that’s growing
Of external appearances, I’m not showing
Call goes to voicemail
I spin around in my office chair
Thinking of all the things you could be doing
All of the girls that you could be screwing
To my general state this is contributing

So I hang up the telephone
Rock back and forth a bit
Feel like I’m on a sailor’s ship
And I don’t have to do any little thing
But my mind cruelly wakes me up from this dream and points to all of the things I need to do
How somebody can work in this state, I don’t know, I barely do
I run through my contacts but I don’t have anyone but you
And I’m realizing no matter what you say, you almost never come through
What’s a gal like me to do

A magazine clipping on my wall states “Within Reach”
It was put up for inspiration
How simply they made it sound
Like something is right across the fence and you only have to climb it
Well I’m good at climbing fences
But you’re not “Within Reach”
You’re not on the other side of the fence
You’re so far away I can hardly taste you
With guns ablaze I can’t even find you

This fairytale is turning into a nightmare
I believe I’m the only one feeling the despair
Of not having you there
Close to me
Where we can be
Together.

July 22, still want you

distantcaveLeave a comment

And suddenly I don’t feel so bad about asking you those questions
What are the things you like about her
Me, I sound like a jealous whore
But I’m not
I’m not
I just want you all to myself
Don’t waste your breath
Because if it’s not me, it’s someone else
And that to me, brings a lot of stress
A lot of pain to digest

Suddenly I don’t feel so bad about kissing you all over
If it wasn’t me, you’d find another girl
That’s what I’m stuck in– this aching world
Where people replace each other
Where you don’t say it because you don’t want to be a bother
When I look at you and start thinking like a mother
It’s all on parchment and it’s all ink black
Never got the final days to rest before a heart attack
Climb through to me and throw your wild head back
I don’t want to be temporary
I don’t want to be temporary

I’m scared that you see me as disposable
Like whatever you say goes in one ear and out the other
I may be awfully forgetful but I don’t mean for that to happen
I want to know everything in blue, shades of orange, pink hues
The grass is black and the sky remains blue
When you look at me, what do you want to do?

Take me out to get ice cream at the nondairy place?
Slap me so hard that I’m red in the face?
Hold me in the chilling but warmest embrace?
Look me dead in the face
And I’ll chisel away your stress from your day
Be the kindest girl you’ve ever met
Take your boots off, get onto my bed
Hold me, hold me, hold me
Tell me how you really feel
If you feel anything at all

I don’t want this to be temporary
I don’t want this to be temporary
I’m scared that you see me as disposable
I’m scared that you see me as disposable
When I look at you and start thinking like a mother
Where people replace each other
Because if it’s not me, it’s someone else

A lot of pain to digest

Making melancholy films

distantcaveLeave a comment

Hydrangeas are the softest flower
My life, has turned painfully sour
Where I go, I don’t know
I cast my seeds, but I don’t sow
I want to dream of a paradise
But every day you’re being not so nice
And I’m fading into the black
It’s starting to feel there’s no turning back

I’m awake at midnight, no early bedtime
The laughter with you, the sweetest of times
I keep it in my heart, somewhere safe
But lately the path to it has felt like a maze
I’m drawing parallels between you and me
But your new girlfriend is far too pretty
Placing symbols on the things you’ve done
Though our deeper love has just begun

I don’t want to be alone all these nights
I want to tell you these things without the hostile fights
Making melancholy films of me undressing
Just to captivate you, stop you from stressing
It’s all for you after all
And deeper into madness I continue to fall
Until finally there’s nothing left of me
You’ll have used me up, don’t you see

I want the passion and the sunrise
I want you to show up, come by by surprise
Capture me in my best light
At least start by saying good night
You’re wild and you’re free, won’t you share
When I spin out of control, won’t you care

I want to be your absolute
But let’s start with telling each other the complete truth
I know it’s hard to do
I know it’s hard to do
I know it’s hard to do
I know it’s hard to do

July 3rd

distantcaveLeave a comment

On July 3rd
When you came over
I promised myself that I wouldn’t get any sicker for you
Flowers bloom
Have little love affairs
You’re mine
At least I hope
And continue to

I stir my morning coffee and
The spoon bangs the ceramic mug
So crisp and loud it hurts my ears
Like you calling my name
Like you screaming my name
To wake me up, when I’m awake
To get me to listen to you
The loud bang serves as a reminder and
Although its not pleasant its still a taste of you
Burnt, no sugar, no cream, harsh
In a small white ceramic mug I take you in
Slowly, small sips, add a bit of cream, add a bit of sugar
Like in my dreams
Like when you’re nice to me, but never kind
I love you just the same
I don’t know just what kind of game
You play with me when you take me and flip me upside down and shake me for your entertainment, I don’t like it but it’s your game So I’m your toy

I love you just the same
Like when you’re nice to me, but never kind
Burnt, no sugar, no cream, harsh
Like you screaming my name
So crisp and loud it hurts my ears
Like in my dreams

Like in my dreams
I love you just the same