Month: October 2020

Last
Valentine’s
Day
He didn’t show up with flowers
He was late, by a few hours
I drank with myself and shuddered at night
Some kind of partner, he was less than alright
Thought I could change him, thought I might
It couldn’t have been more of a lie

Waving goodbye when your white car drives past
You make bad decisions and the memories don’t last
But you look like you’re smiling, like you’re having a blast
Distant airwaves, motorcycles
Raccoons in the distance to wave to
You never went to work did you
You lost that job, didn’t you

But everyday
9 to 5
He was working the tough man’s shift
No details about it but I didn’t cause a rift
It was already a sinking relationship
But I told myself, doll you can handle it
He can’t feel remorse, it’s not there in his brain
The phone will play so many dials you’ll at last reach pain
Again and again

You never went to work, did you
Waving goodbye when your white car drives by
No pictures to remember you were having a blast
Baby, you were moving too fast

We never did last
Not even in the photographs

My friends don’t read my poetry
Even when they say they do
They don’t know black from blue
They don’t know deranged like I do

My friends don’t text me back
Nobody sees me as important
I’m real funny, know that for sure
But when things get real, people get bored
A pretty girl in a stained dress is such an eyesore

My friends don’t come pick me up, say I live too far
I’m in the middle of nowhere next to an empty park
I’d go running at night but I’m scared of the dark
Scared of having to tell officers I don’t know my way home
The sound of cars used to soothe me to sleep
Now it won’t leave me alone
Too nostalgic for the city
That was when people thought I was pretty
We’d lay on the ground and laugh
Like, I got your back
No matter how far

My friends don’t exist in my life anymore
Unless I make one up, like Cobain
My god, that man was in such pain
He understood what it felt like to be annoyed
How impossible it is to fill a black-and-white void
Because when they no longer love you, they destroy

Forty seconds till it matters
Rain on my roof, pitter patter
Basement rats, watch them scatter
I just wish I fucking mattered

I just wish I-