Month: July 2020

“Girl” requirements

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James Dean boy
Condescending
Sometimes cruel
I think you kind of rule
Your hair, which falls perfectly
For me to run my fingers through
Hoping you like it
Hoping I’m fulfilling my “girl” requirements
Or “lover” requirements for the daytime

Making me giggle when you drive with your knees
Forgetting to say please
And thank you
But manners at the dinner table
Polite conversation
At first
Political rants
You’re so cute when you’re passionate
I like when your eyes gleam
Sometimes you make me want to scream

And I did once, I think
You caught me right off the brink
It was by the kitchen sink
And you sprung backward
Appalled, you got mad
Ready to go
Upset
But I calmed the both of us down
Fulfilling another “girl” requirement

With you I trust all of my hunches
I buy mums in bunches
I still remember when you bought me flowers
It was the loveliest of hours
I am a downtown city-type girl
But you make me feel like I’m by the countryside
Writing by the river about my sweet boy
I hope you understand me the way I understand you
One day, it’ll be true
One day

Behind me

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Trying to think about something that isn’t you
But is it true
That you’re a liar too

It goes on and on in my head
The sweet looks you give me
But first and foremost I know you’re coy
Don’t laugh at me boy

I devised a plan to get you to me but now it’s all crumbled up and in the trash
Because I don’t need that
I don’t need to chase after you
I’ve got deeper magnitudes
Besides, I’m softer than you
And spiraling and talking about Malibu
Trying to remember, to remember

Is it overbearing or underwhelming?
I’m a mere shadow on a casket
I’m sleek and I chirp like a little finch
I do it all to get you closer, just an inch
But if I’m not your only then what can I be
A plain taken-with-no-sugar cup of tea
Where else but me will you find serenity
And how selfish of me is that

It all exists in the abstract
You and me– we divide– then come together and dive
Into our own separate seas where you are you and I am me
And we barely communicate through our treacherous waters
Don’t admit that we want escape
That we want someone there with us

You can call me
Come find me
Hold me real nicely
But don’t let me run from you
Because when I do
I go far

Malibu (you)

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Over the phone you speak softly to me
“Do you want to come see me”
And I do but I can’t breathe
I’m soft and small with grey embers
In a palace with no pretenders
But I think there’s something about the way you missed my calls
A cunning scheme about you
Like you’re getting an applause
Like you’re a lost cause

Minimal engagement
If we do it’s sacred
I write about you, scream about you, cry about you in ways that you couldn’t even feel
If only you would just learn to deal
And not spend so much effort to conceal
The strength and sincerity in you
But I can’t seem to get through
So I’m on my way to Malibu
Thinking of you, you, you

Wishing for you, you, you

Almost mine

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He gets up late
Morning is pitch black in the apartment
Curtains are matte black and he keeps them closed shut
In the fridge, half-empty carton of milk
Who’s a happy guy
Croissant and a black coffee
Always with his coffee
Always with his coffee

The hardware store
Middle aged men in a lineup
Hands in pockets
Cigarettes littered on the ground
All around
He’s meeting his friends
Always leans on one side
Always leans on one side
Small chuckles emit

He’s a wild man
Untamable and sharp
Crisp with his wit and cold when he’s bitter
Cold when he’s bitter
And he’s always bitter
Like a sour fruit you knew would be sour but tried again
And it hit you worse than the first time
But when he laughs it erupts
And for him I dress up lush
Though I know he’s corrupt
Though I know he’s corrupt

He is almost mine

Cologne & Cafes

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Death deception
You’re my favorite
Criminal, bad boy
I can smell it in your cologne
But now I’m watching what I say
You know you can’t flag someone who writes
But I’ll do it anyway for you

I don’t want to be in this limbo
I don’t want to be having fights
This was my place of controversial poems
If they were ever come around to
You surprised me when you came around
Head held back to draw the poison
Small blade for you
I’ll do it for you

You’re salient and that’s what I like about you
Amongst many upscale man traits
Though we can share them like pie
Look at me and you amorous in July
I’ve been wondering why you‘d come back
But not too hard because I don’t want to lose you again
I’m really revealing it all
I want to attend cafes with you when they open
Places that I won’t leave sobbing
Bars with decorations or simply the video screens of winter sports
None of that matters as long as I’m next to you
Fragile fingers in yours
So that I can sleep that night

So that I can sleep at night
So that I can sleep at night
Your love makes me feel alright
Your love makes me feel alright.