Month: June 2020

And then it hit me
You’re not the one for me
Sweet serenity
In the abyss I’ll find you
In the dumpsters I’ll drown you
I’ll vacate the spaces where we existed at once together
Separate times
A broken bike chain lock
A hint at paradise
The roses smell so nice
My diamonds so crystal ice

Trapped and crestfallen
I don’t think I can do this again, Scott
You’re taking shots at a figure you’re not
Embarrassing me on the spot
I don’t like lights flashing towards me
I want you to adore me
But the caricature of this is fading
Thick proceedings
Radio blasting
The television running
All night long
It runs all night long
My sweet surrender
Birthday in September
How much of our hope is lost
How much will the damage cost
I sit at home and I wait for the bitter white frost

Scott, we could have made it
We had plenty of new beginnings in our eyes
A hint of surprise
You loved my thighs
A red brick rose and a black wire fire escape
We grew mint and basil
Your eyes were deep hazel
I’m spitting you out now deeply
I’m tired of trying to find meaning
Daffodils linger simply

I want to be out of that front door
My thoughts as organized as my files and garments
My eyeglasses that you threw at the wall
My wine glasses that you spilled on the floor
Always looking for more and more
Unfulfilled pursuits left us dreary
Now you’re looking at me and you’re tearing
I was consumed by bored, hollow nights
The aching, overblown, painful fights
Me hiding on the pink bathroom rug holding my hands over my ears
The medication I’m on preventing me from producing tears
But you swallowed my fears
You took what you got and you thought there was something left to own
To control
Boss me around and spit the residue into a cup
Pour hot water down my back and a glass fiber attack
Never an itch to scratch
I’m tired, Scott
I ache
I ache but not for you

I ache for a hint at paradise
Where the roses smell so, so nice
Where there’s beautiful diamonds, crystal ice
Where the decisions are wise
I’ll try it out for size
Won’t tell you how it feels
Because this will no longer be real
I’ll buy flowers that are teal

I’m tired, Scott
I ache
I ache but not for you
But for a hint at paradise
And it feels goddamn awfully nice
This is my dream paradise

I woke up from my slumber feeling alright
Just okay
Dust sprinkled onto the floor when I took my keys off the nightstand
A ring left from a cup of tea because I forget time and time again to use the coasters my mother gifted me
Housewarming
Faces bright
Evening lit up with icing globe lights
Some kind of magic
He didn’t show up
But he sent flowers

Wednesday morning
My favorite
Coffee in bed for ten minutes before work
Late to work
Time and time again
Worth it
I’m a menace to society
I ruin other peoples’ dreams
I call out obscene remarks when the curtain falls
Dates to me are no longer the engaging game they used to be
Don’t want to talk, don’t want to make “I” statements
Boys come and go like the seasons
But this one
Ahead of time
He sent flowers

Bad break-up
“The neighbors can hear you shout
Is that what you want”
Trying to pull it off
A calmness derived from too much exasperation
Glass breaks
Blood flows
His aggravation scares the life out of me
Typical set-up we have here
He moves across the country
I don’t know how to live
How to breathe without him
It’s our anniversary soon
And when the day comes
I’m brushing my teeth
Ring on the door
Got the day right
He sent the most beautiful flowers

Out of three girls I was chosen not to be the girlfriend
What’s funny is that there were three girls to choose from
And I
I did not make the cut
Cut like fresh cut flowers that go in a clear vase
Vase like what you throw at him when it all ends
You mutually break the news that it’s not working but
He just has to take one last take at showing off snide adolescent wit
So really

Whose fault is that

It gets me every time
Your clandestine grin
Sends shivers down my spine
Keys in the ignition, I sit and wait
Mentally prepare for us to meet
Once again, return as lovers
To be unspoken things
Lemonade in a pastel green glass cup
You’re heavenly don’t you know
I spit you out

No right turn so we lean to the left
California sunflowers are your favorite
I sprinkle flower seeds onto the front row
Of a garden I intend to bury myself into
You tell me I’m like sweet strawberries
I draw into my shell
Safety
Passion
Shelter
You’ll yell at me later
Tell me I’m up to no good
Though I’m spending my afternoons in the garden playing with rubber bands as I watch the sunset
As the sun drops down into the sky and the abyss
We wave goodbye to it
A peaceful display of joie de vivre
It’s what the kids have come out for, on their skateboards, bicycles, and razor scooters
The sound of laughter in the background
Between us too
Boy, I like you

We take it back to old history
You miss me
You really miss me
You tell me I look pretty
I’m dressed up in chiffon and you in leather
We look so good together
That’s the way it is
It’s cold back where it’s bliss
I can’t stand your voice and you can’t stand mine
You confuse me all the time
It’s jeopardizing the tranquility we forged
I could have saw it coming but I was busy in the garden
Doing bad things to you
Asking to go to Malibu
Telling you to get right or it’ll be on the news

You tell me I’m like sweet strawberries
Send shivers down my spine
Cast me another favor
Tell me that all the time
Promise me you’re mine

Boy, I like you
I really, really do

Effort is bliss
Times are changing
I’ll forgive you if you forgive me too

I’m standing alone in a crowd full of people
Who look nothing like you
And I look for you

Above the landscape
Many photographs are taken
People want to show their kids

Road trips to Manhattan
Watching the skylights
Things we saw, things we did

I recognize you from somewhere
Somewhere precious and green
You’re both dignified and kind

We hurry to meet your friends
We pass by loud mountains and cherry trees
My need to capture it all, you don’t mind

Feels like we’re spinning all the time
Feels like you’ll catch me from behind
Feels like why I met you, I know why

I sigh in defeat
At the end of the day
Close the curtain and mark my exit

You’re frustrated but won’t show it
I wish you’d just let it out
I know you’re desperate

But disease spreads like wildfire
And we’re warm on the couch
Hand me a Margarita with lime

Feels like we’re spinning all the time
Feels like you’ll catch me from behind
Feels like why I met you, I know why

You’re both dignified and kind