Live in modest obscurity Classic California beach living Sunglasses, shades, Maseratis, fast cars, soda pop A life that has been glamorized Or so I had hypothesized He wouldn’t even be reading in between my lines Too busy thinking about himself all the time
Perhaps a few motels overlooking the coast Empty parking lots Paint a vision for yourself Soft ice cream in all good health Said you were sober, had liquor on the top shelf Honey, I thought you loved yourself
Ladies, you know me for my diamonds I’ll show you everything sparkly that’s designer That girl you once knew, you’re right behind her To enjoy the high life without mascara on To come to rise with the evening sun To know how to really know someone Stay omnipresent – hot, wild, and young Like every morning, a new life has just begun Dark spaces for dark traces of ice-cold skeletons Bones only fit like fragments Do what you’re told Let your dream love life in front of you start to unfold
Everything in the right order Everything in the right order Everything all the same Everything all the same
Lying between last quarter and new moon I figured when we’d talk, we would be with each other soon There are words on my body, on yours – video game cartoons You never meant to express how little I meant to you
I started noticing in conversation When the focus was on us, you lacked elation I quit my work for you, I gave up waiting I became so exhausted not living, but waiting I tried to show you I was patient You hate yourself like you’re tainted Letting of go of the dream that one day you and I would make it
Now I’m in the doorway, sort of half-naked I’m alone, but I’m tranquil, and nothing you do will change it
I’m alone but I’m tranquil Nothing you do will change it
I thought about how you didn’t say Merry Christmas Even though it’s my most favourite of holidays I thought of all the rainy dates The sombre, cold Saturdays Square cross-sections of apple-green pyroxene Hand over my mouth while I scream The antagonism of adenosine by caffeine The nights of unconditional pain Nothing to lose, nothing to gain I thought of you as my John Wayne Only my devotion remained the same
Daffodils paint your iridescent smile I always try to get you to stay for a longer while I’m not who you’re looking for, but I’m trying The roses I buy myself are perpetually dying If you bought them for me, they’d stay alive They’d put their hands on my shoulders when they’d come on by I’d never have to come up with a reason why When you’re faithful and in love There’s no reason to lie
I nailed death decrepit, got it in centuries-old buildings You throw away all the invitations to friends’ weddings I’d love to meet your family I’d love to meet your friends I’d love to meet anybody that admires the time you spend Fixing up daisies Mowing the lawn You softened my view of right and wrong You made me too vague to quite belong
Falling out of love with someone you’ve loved for so long Sounds an awful lot like an unfamiliar song
But I’m learning the chords Your vinyl collection, of course You want me to play housewife and do all your chores But with my pale blonde hair you still manage to get bored The hollowness in my eyes has become an eyesore So when I look directly at you, you just choose to ignore And I wait at the docks, my knees up to the shore If I asked you for freedom, you couldn’t give me any more Spoke to me like a virgin Told the world I was a whore
I could leave tomorrow You wouldn’t say goodbye It was my absolute most favourite holiday And you must have forgotten that brilliant thing you had to say My friends keep saying this time I need to stay away No more watering the garden No more child-like play Find me reminiscing in your spot in the doorway Nostalgia too much to bear Your petit-mal seizure stare I’m not quite there But I’m almost halfway
I molded you into a diamond You decayed that way Now you’re so lost in thought that you’re digging your own grave I’m upset my soft face can’t bring you back Been trying to determine what it is I lack It’s so sad to see you so worn out like that My words are so useless, coated in coal-black You’re so sober when you drink your cognac I keep thinking of this one hazy flashback
It’s you and me on the balcony But this time you’re in love with me
I’m not who you’re looking for, but I’m trying The roses I buy myself are perpetually dying If you bought them for me, they’d stay alive They’d put their hands on my shoulders when they’d come on by I’d never have to come up with a reason why When you’re faithful and in love There’s no reason to lie
You only see black & white but I’m lilac You only see in me all the things I lack A heroin dream that begins and ends with black
I know I said forever, but I’m not coming back I know I said forever, but I’m not coming back
It’s you and me on the balcony But this time you’re in love with me I know I said forever, but I’m not coming back But this time you’re in love with me
Sometimes at night I think of you (I’m lying – I always think of you) There’s nothing else I’d rather do It’s the bittersweet sting of being hopelessly enamored with you
The more you want it, the farther away it becomes You stay up late and say you’ll sleep next to the sun He says he’s running late, but he never does come That’s the sad truth about not being the only one I twirl my hair I spin around I choke so hard I fall to the ground And if you calculated my efforts, I’d pay by the pound I’m lost in abysmal and undulating surround sound
He put black padding on the walls to keep the voices quiet Asked me what my favourite wine was and said that he’d buy it Passed me angel dust, but I said I won’t try it This time I’m not lying It hurts more to keep trying Don’t blame it on timing If I am dust, you are worn out leather from a cow that loved to live and breathe fresh air You ran your fingers through my soft, blonde hair I knew you were unaware You had me right there You had me
Boys have short attention spans, so I’m working on making my poems shorter As if a somber gaze doesn’t scratch at the envelope As if the disposable cardboard coaster I kept from the bar we went to last year isn’t practically at its wit end But I stare at it at night and I like to pretend That you and I will never end (You spin me round and round, you scream, you bend) I only liked when you were drinking Because you never stopped talking And I could listen to your words for endless summer days
I’m watching my step I’m too sharp for this town I reached the vault of heaven, but you pushed me back down And every time I walk away from you, I turn right back around You’re the most beautiful thing that I have ever found
And if you want me, please tell me That’s all that I ask Because I don’t know how much longer I can contain this chaotic energy, it’s only a setback It pays for my grave Collects debt at the tollbooth Serves me a clean slate I can’t afford and makes it taste like dry vermouth A botanical celestial atmosphere where there was you and I appeared and you said come here, baby girl, my doe-eyed dear Please, my angel, don’t you ever disappear
I say never Won’t do it I’ll always be here
But you’re so distant from me that my words sound unclear And the walls are blurry and they’re bleeding red And I bought pink satin sheets for my queen-sized bed And I wait every night for you to come fall sleep But if your love cuts my skin, it doesn’t go very deep If your flaws were secrets, they’d be mine to keep And I replay your laugh in my mind on fucking repeat
I know only one thing that’ll make me complete But if it’s me against her, I’m too weak to compete I am a glacier dissolving in sunburns and aggressive summer heat But I still thank God because he arranged for us to meet I know it as much as I love the window seat But I see you and her, so I make a spreadsheet Of all the ways this is going to kill me Please stop, only you can heal me I need you like candy I crave all of you I know that my hopes are too good to be true So I lay on the concrete, I only see in ocean-blue
I scream at God for letting me fall in love with you It’s 3 in the morning There’s nothing else to do
I’m baby blueprint in grid print intoxicating you I’m the Fourth of July, 3 summers ago when we got high We asked when did we stop having the times of our lives
My neck is so hurt, it’s too much for me to look down But I always do Redirect to separate avenues Skateboard to my house, I’ll come out for you Green apple lollipop, sour Teach me your tricks and make it rain for a half-hour Just enough to get the grill hot Just enough to get me to take the most bone-chilling cold shower I’m coming in hot But I always leave so cold In the cab I sit there- forlorn, morose, staring at the floor Letting the kids run by and do what they’re told I reminisce about the days when to be elegant wasn’t to be bold, and I coughed like raindrops like saran-wrap covering old left-overs If it rains it pours, well you’re leaving – I’m sure You always thought your music taste was so obscure If it rains, it pours Well, you’re leaving – I’m sure
I’m melting into hydrocodone bitartrate so crystallized you’d sell me for my Chemistry degree and put my name on your white t-shirts Spray mist on your face until you’re reimbursed Like daggers, how smooth you are when fatalities aren’t your responsibility, and you make your way down to the ferry where the starfishes know your name and keep it a secret Nobody cares anyway
I’m coming in hot But I always leave so cold
It’s too much for me to look down But I always do Reaching separate avenues
I said, life is a gamble But I’m covering my face with my hands My life is in shambles! Can someone help me escape from this nonchalant misery I’ve so gracefully pretended is how to live a life? I don’t make sense to anyone I’m always deleting phone numbers Past lovers The smothered The weak and the downtrodden, England in the shade Four in the afternoon Crisp, deafening cave When you and I were little, we loved to misbehave But now the landlord is asking for payments for our graves And it’s mid-18th century French and it means “Go fuck yourself”
Somber Oppressively sober in mood He looked at her with this decadent tone that I’d almost call smooth If it wasn’t for the violence we heard up the street The night skies were starless I fell asleep regardless I just wanted to escape for a week or two I never knew my nightmares would come true I liked the dark and the dull in colour but honey, what happened to you? What’d they do to you? What are you so scared of? Why do you still try to write songs out of my poetry? Why do you recycle and reread my emails? Why do you send me false compliments in the mail? Why’d you hire an attorney when you’d likely be better off in jail? I don’t particularly adapt to being hated I just deal Fifty-dollar bill I have a white dress that makes me look like a ghost and I thought I met a new boy that would love me the most But he’s slipping out of my fingers, of course Tell me I’m not predictable
Grey daffodils, crisp July skies I just wanted to escape for a week or two I never knew my nightmares would come true It’s November and there’s not much more to expect from the undesirable residue I just hoped I could sit down and paint you Make something beautiful Capture a black button-down shirt
Was it good when it hurt? I’m stumbling over forgotten words Insecure (or in great difficulties) He was miserable without her
All is not lost There is still some chance of success or recovery But me, haha, me? Sometimes when a defeat has been sustained It’s better for everyone involved that you don’t speak my name
Not that there is much to be ashamed It’s just Was it good when it hurt? I told you over and over, I’m not a good flirt
I’m not a good flirt
If it rains, it pours And it’s mid-18th century French and it means “Go fuck yourself”
I’m getting better at glamorizing myself I like my safety pins and textbooks neat on the shelf Can I have your permission to be ambivalent About my whereabouts? Don’t ask me why Don’t ask me why Don’t tell me not to cry Don’t tell me not to cry If God is mean and bad, then that makes sense Why does he let the ones I love die Why does he let the ones I love die Don’t tell me why
Don’t ask me why Don’t ask me why Don’t tell me not to cry Don’t tell me not to cry
Well, I met with your father at the café We talked about you, pretty much the entire day He said how you’ll have it is how you’ll have your own way I’m too left I’m too left Toughen up Toughen up Decay is pressed petals and sorrow intertwined within one membrane The words just spill onto the pages I’m not even thinking as I’m writing, maybe
Collapse onto me, I swear to god, I’ll let you love me Don’t suck your thumb at me Roses and thorns, yeah, roses and thorns Roses and thorns, yeah, roses and thorns I like the way you cross your eyes Yeah, I only really hang out with guys Since my best girl friend hung herself out to dry
I’m not even thinking as I’m writing, maybe The words just spill onto the pages The words just spill onto the pages The words just spill onto the pages The words just spill onto the pages
