Live in modest obscurity Classic California beach living Sunglasses, shades, Maseratis, fast cars, soda pop A life that has been glamorized Or so I had hypothesized He wouldn’t even be reading in between my lines Too busy thinking about himself all the time
Perhaps a few motels overlooking the coast Empty parking lots Paint a vision for yourself Soft ice cream in all good health Said you were sober, had liquor on the top shelf Honey, I thought you loved yourself
Ladies, you know me for my diamonds I’ll show you everything sparkly that’s designer That girl you once knew, you’re right behind her To enjoy the high life without mascara on To come to rise with the evening sun To know how to really know someone Stay omnipresent – hot, wild, and young Like every morning, a new life has just begun Dark spaces for dark traces of ice-cold skeletons Bones only fit like fragments Do what you’re told Let your dream love life in front of you start to unfold
Everything in the right order Everything in the right order Everything all the same Everything all the same
Lying between last quarter and new moon I figured when we’d talk, we would be with each other soon There are words on my body, on yours – video game cartoons You never meant to express how little I meant to you
I started noticing in conversation When the focus was on us, you lacked elation I quit my work for you, I gave up waiting I became so exhausted not living, but waiting I tried to show you I was patient You hate yourself like you’re tainted Letting of go of the dream that one day you and I would make it
Now I’m in the doorway, sort of half-naked I’m alone, but I’m tranquil, and nothing you do will change it
I’m alone but I’m tranquil Nothing you do will change it
Sometimes at night I think of you (I’m lying – I always think of you) There’s nothing else I’d rather do It’s the bittersweet sting of being hopelessly enamored with you
The more you want it, the farther away it becomes You stay up late and say you’ll sleep next to the sun He says he’s running late, but he never does come That’s the sad truth about not being the only one I twirl my hair I spin around I choke so hard I fall to the ground And if you calculated my efforts, I’d pay by the pound I’m lost in abysmal and undulating surround sound
He put black padding on the walls to keep the voices quiet Asked me what my favourite wine was and said that he’d buy it Passed me angel dust, but I said I won’t try it This time I’m not lying It hurts more to keep trying Don’t blame it on timing If I am dust, you are worn out leather from a cow that loved to live and breathe fresh air You ran your fingers through my soft, blonde hair I knew you were unaware You had me right there You had me
Boys have short attention spans, so I’m working on making my poems shorter As if a somber gaze doesn’t scratch at the envelope As if the disposable cardboard coaster I kept from the bar we went to last year isn’t practically at its wit end But I stare at it at night and I like to pretend That you and I will never end (You spin me round and round, you scream, you bend) I only liked when you were drinking Because you never stopped talking And I could listen to your words for endless summer days
I’m watching my step I’m too sharp for this town I reached the vault of heaven, but you pushed me back down And every time I walk away from you, I turn right back around You’re the most beautiful thing that I have ever found
And if you want me, please tell me That’s all that I ask Because I don’t know how much longer I can contain this chaotic energy, it’s only a setback It pays for my grave Collects debt at the tollbooth Serves me a clean slate I can’t afford and makes it taste like dry vermouth A botanical celestial atmosphere where there was you and I appeared and you said come here, baby girl, my doe-eyed dear Please, my angel, don’t you ever disappear
I say never Won’t do it I’ll always be here
But you’re so distant from me that my words sound unclear And the walls are blurry and they’re bleeding red And I bought pink satin sheets for my queen-sized bed And I wait every night for you to come fall sleep But if your love cuts my skin, it doesn’t go very deep If your flaws were secrets, they’d be mine to keep And I replay your laugh in my mind on fucking repeat
I know only one thing that’ll make me complete But if it’s me against her, I’m too weak to compete I am a glacier dissolving in sunburns and aggressive summer heat But I still thank God because he arranged for us to meet I know it as much as I love the window seat But I see you and her, so I make a spreadsheet Of all the ways this is going to kill me Please stop, only you can heal me I need you like candy I crave all of you I know that my hopes are too good to be true So I lay on the concrete, I only see in ocean-blue
I scream at God for letting me fall in love with you It’s 3 in the morning There’s nothing else to do
I know I’m not that confident, but I am kind I feel like I’m dragging my steps and leaving no trace behind And the work is real hard, it’s that nonstop grind Makes you bite your nails all the time
And I can’t fit the frame of reference How you said you were desperate But when you sucked your chest in You terrified me to pieces The kind of ache you bring me bites like leeches All I want in this world is to lie with you on all the beaches You release anesthetic, but you still make me bleed Your love and your reign are all I really need To make me complete
Washed blood Criminal state-of-mind Collecting contraceptives Cold, hard cement Warm, worn work boots Unstable supply of mixed substances
I tell you to swallow, and you look straight in my eyes It’s like you’re falling in love for the very first time And I’m trying not to look directly at you as I say, you’re just not the guy I tell you to swallow, and you look straight in my eyes Bittersweet candy droplets, like I could die In this dead world, there is nowhere left to hide When my body is old and sick, will you lay by my bedside?
I don’t want to make this too long I’m too smart, I know you won’t read it No matter how much God knows you need it If only for the chance that you might feel it
You know, you’re delusional And I know I can be confusing But you’re too jaded to find my ill-equipped candor amusing You run your fingers through your hair like there’s salt in the air And I try not to stare You know, you’re delusional And I know I can be confusing But the gig is up, and I know that you’ve been using In your tangled cobweb, I remain the bug that is losing
Not to make this too long The film isn’t developed The roses haven’t bloomed I’m staring back at you, but it’s so empty in this room I feel the walls enveloping me in dark, chaotic doom And I can’t resist You need to hear this No matter how much your better self knows you need it If only for the chance that you might feel it The endurance of my love for all the havoc that you are The way it covers me like starving, hot tar When I was on the porch watching you pour gasoline on my car And I thought to myself
He looks so beautiful from afar I bet he’ll go to heaven, where the beautiful ones are He’s not made of debris He’s so strong and carefree He’s butterflies and lightning trapped in a mason jar
And I’m falling in and out of love every day And it feels so bizarre All that I encompass and view myself as is his white dwarf star Dead from the beginning A stellar remnant in this regard Without the nuclear coalescence, I am just scraping by
When I was on the porch watching you pour gasoline on my car And I thought to myself He’s so strong and carefree He’s butterflies and lightning trapped in a mason jar And I’m a black hole of a figurine In this dead world, there is nowhere left to hide When my body is old and sick, will you lay by my bedside?
I want another musician boyfriend In the wind, in the mountains that fumble over each other Like blue ice cream, and you’re drinking the most sour lemonade I remember being in the fifth grade I remember when you and I were on the same page
You tell me I’m pretty I say, let’s get out of this city I want the thrill and the madness Chicago winters when I was the baddest And I kept thinking, I have this I kept thinking, I have this I kept-
I have nothing to talk about now that he stopped talking to himself Turned the act around, got out of town And he was gone like that I wish I could say it was in the summer, but he said that he still loved her And my aloe vera plant died like three times that week
My best friend thinks I’m weak I can tell because I think she’s too afraid of getting closer to me Which as a walking human charade I can see where there’s disinterest in the grand scheme of things I knew it was in the library that I lost my opal ring That was the day Rachel wore that blue shirt She looked so good that it hurt I’ve thought of every way this could go, and I’m just out of step So if you asked me what I need, I’d say it’s out of my grasp But I’m pretty on the inside I don’t collapse like that I run, and I fetch, but I don’t bring it back I only execute what is carefully planned I miss the warm days of playing around in the sand I miss when you wrote songs about me with your little boy band I miss you reaching for my hand
And if you asked me if I would use pretense to get to where I want to be I would take that high jump I would be out there too
But there are things to think forth to, like Russia and France No last line No valentine No hopes this time
I’m renovating my life into something brand new It’s the only thing that’ll motivate you To depart from this sick, sad, bleached residue All I think about is you All I think about is you All I think about is you All I think about is you
Remember, standing on the balcony Drinking Mountain Dew I never considered falling out of love with you They said when you break up, it’s just something you do
I must be screwed up beyond repair He was having an affair And all I could do was stare
It was almost like she was here, and I was there
No last line No valentine No hopes this time
All I think about is you All I think about is you All I think about is you All I think about is you And all I could do was stare
I’m baby blueprint in grid print intoxicating you I’m the Fourth of July, 3 summers ago when we got high We asked when did we stop having the times of our lives
My neck is so hurt, it’s too much for me to look down But I always do Redirect to separate avenues Skateboard to my house, I’ll come out for you Green apple lollipop, sour Teach me your tricks and make it rain for a half-hour Just enough to get the grill hot Just enough to get me to take the most bone-chilling cold shower I’m coming in hot But I always leave so cold In the cab I sit there- forlorn, morose, staring at the floor Letting the kids run by and do what they’re told I reminisce about the days when to be elegant wasn’t to be bold, and I coughed like raindrops like saran-wrap covering old left-overs If it rains it pours, well you’re leaving – I’m sure You always thought your music taste was so obscure If it rains, it pours Well, you’re leaving – I’m sure
I’m melting into hydrocodone bitartrate so crystallized you’d sell me for my Chemistry degree and put my name on your white t-shirts Spray mist on your face until you’re reimbursed Like daggers, how smooth you are when fatalities aren’t your responsibility, and you make your way down to the ferry where the starfishes know your name and keep it a secret Nobody cares anyway
I’m coming in hot But I always leave so cold
It’s too much for me to look down But I always do Reaching separate avenues
I said, life is a gamble But I’m covering my face with my hands My life is in shambles! Can someone help me escape from this nonchalant misery I’ve so gracefully pretended is how to live a life? I don’t make sense to anyone I’m always deleting phone numbers Past lovers The smothered The weak and the downtrodden, England in the shade Four in the afternoon Crisp, deafening cave When you and I were little, we loved to misbehave But now the landlord is asking for payments for our graves And it’s mid-18th century French and it means “Go fuck yourself”
Somber Oppressively sober in mood He looked at her with this decadent tone that I’d almost call smooth If it wasn’t for the violence we heard up the street The night skies were starless I fell asleep regardless I just wanted to escape for a week or two I never knew my nightmares would come true I liked the dark and the dull in colour but honey, what happened to you? What’d they do to you? What are you so scared of? Why do you still try to write songs out of my poetry? Why do you recycle and reread my emails? Why do you send me false compliments in the mail? Why’d you hire an attorney when you’d likely be better off in jail? I don’t particularly adapt to being hated I just deal Fifty-dollar bill I have a white dress that makes me look like a ghost and I thought I met a new boy that would love me the most But he’s slipping out of my fingers, of course Tell me I’m not predictable
Grey daffodils, crisp July skies I just wanted to escape for a week or two I never knew my nightmares would come true It’s November and there’s not much more to expect from the undesirable residue I just hoped I could sit down and paint you Make something beautiful Capture a black button-down shirt
Was it good when it hurt? I’m stumbling over forgotten words Insecure (or in great difficulties) He was miserable without her
All is not lost There is still some chance of success or recovery But me, haha, me? Sometimes when a defeat has been sustained It’s better for everyone involved that you don’t speak my name
Not that there is much to be ashamed It’s just Was it good when it hurt? I told you over and over, I’m not a good flirt
I’m not a good flirt
If it rains, it pours And it’s mid-18th century French and it means “Go fuck yourself”
