Poem: Four thoughts (Chicago dandelions)

Poem: Four thoughts (Chicago dandelions)

Rose petals with lime in my hot coffee
Author’s alterations, metasomatism beneath my bedsheets
Making changes to my will because I will outlive my instruments & garments
I’m the most proper fit, and I laugh to myself
Because nobody else thinks it to be true
Playing in the garden all night long

If you’re made of arachidonic acid, you’re still not essential to me
Accelerated depreciation is like using plastic
So casual for you
The cavity where I reside is not accepting visitation
Though you can leave the fleurs and baguettes at the doorstep
Can I be a princess for once, please?
Can someone naturally want to take care of me?

Poem: Four thoughts (Chicago dandelions) [continued]

My abdomen is covered in spears
I don’t know where they came from
He found it addicting, and I chose not to feel bad, because I settled for a freedom that involved both him and me
I’m stored in the nacelle, and you’re a half-decent engineer
Who works so much he loses sight of
The real thing
When it’s engaging in self-piercing
Damaging increments
Fingernails painted dusty pink

I feel a permanent wholesome vacancy
A vacant office
A vacant smile
A vacant estate
A vacant room
A vacant seat on a bus
A vacant throne
A disengaged observer
Sometimes I wish you would just look at me
Stare at me so I would feel like I was really living, here.

Poem: Four thoughts (Chicago dandelions) [continued]

An abandoned factory
An abandoned field
An abandoned vehicle
An abandoned baby
I was left to fall into a state of disuse
And then I had to pick myself up
Here we are, I’m staring at Chicago on the plane’s seat live screen map, and I want to cry, because it’s screaming out at me

“You need to get rid of everything so that I can consume you in full”
Nobody can love you so much to the point that you can’t leave
This is everything and all that you want
To the point where a low-quality live map brings tears to my turning-dark-green eyes
Straightforward without reserve, my advocacy for my well-being
Openhearted and honest with my eternal sin
That I’m falling more and more in love with

I want what’s favorable
I accept what makes me want to sink, not just mine, but all of the ships
Things highly unpleasant to me are advantageous to the attitude I want to cultivate
Impartial to how we couldn’t quite relate

Poem: Four thoughts (Chicago dandelions) [continued]

I’ve got dandelions in my hair
The right guy won’t blow my wishes out
A commendatory view of my well-calculated decision and unruly spirit

I appreciate it all
The astronomical pitfalls
Everything is beautiful to me
If it wasn’t, I would not have stayed around here

Poem: Four thoughts (Chicago dandelions) [continued]

Sweet and angelic of you, a stranger said
Looked at me with the admiration the last few lacked
In a Duty Free store

I learned to be safe in my own skin
Complimentary to my own skeleton
Dandelions in my hair
The right guy won’t blow my wishes out

She was always four thoughts ahead of everyone else

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Poem: Happiness collected in a vial

Poem: Happiness collected in a vial (Crying in the laboratory like a confused child)

I didn’t mean to make you cry
Kiss your fights goodbye
You asked why I was leaving, I gave you six reasons why
I had so many more
You slammed my front door
You thought you were entitled, thought you had me by du jour
I was addicted to the waves but began to feel so unsure

Stoicism is hard to connect with
You don’t have to figure it tomorrow
It’s about me becoming more secure, so I can choose a more secure man
Some look out for themselves like it’s their only chain of command
And others are more romantic
They’ll be there waiting for you at midnight when your plane lands
They won’t walk all over the ground on which your thin legs stand
They’ll open doors for you and make evening plans
They’ll play with you, and make castles out of the sand
It doesn’t have to be only pain for me to withstand
I think that’s what makes life so promising and grand

Life can be golden
Real hopes unfolded
I’m flowing, soft; I’m fluid molten
You see me running, you scream for me to stop
I’m a real class act, I’m awaiting your applause
I feel I’m being evaluated like I’m on the job
I’m sensitive, I think you forgot
Less capable of dealing with emotions than fractures or blood clots
I recognize this shade of red
You’re forever in my thoughts

It doesn’t have to be hard
Don’t believe all the others
They only know the love that was given to their mothers
And if we’re going to live together, we better try to understand each other
I’m patient and caring, especially to my lover
He’s the luckiest boy
I like them more when they’re rougher
In private, they’re soft around you and with raindrops they smother
But it feels like God knows you can be much tougher
And it feels like God knows your mind needs to rest
And it feels like God knows you deserve only the best
The last disaster you went through was nothing but a test

Good looks come in handy, notably being best-dressed
It’s how you compose yourself when you’re at your most stressed
You say I’m superficial
Please, I’m from the Midwest
I don’t respect positions where people leave themselves unexpressed
I seduce the chaos, I disquiet unrest
To engage in behavior simply out of self-interest
You have to be okay with crashing parties as an unwelcome guest
We’ll have the most fun
Chardonnay with the sun
We felt so late in our lives, but the times have just begun
I’ll tell you a secret
You’ll be the only recipient
Put down your drink and make me feel like someone

Before I dissolve into bitter obsolescence
I ask myself
How do I feel in your presence?
The good has to far outweigh the bad
I take all of my differently-shaped pills
I still remain sad
It’s crawling out of the pit, that turns you mad
When the ground hardens, it punctures your back
And every new sting feels just like an attack
For you, I’d give anything at the drop of a hat
But if you want me like this, well then I’ll turn out like that
Thursdays I read the news, next to my Siamese cat
My five-thousand Kelvin lightbulb – my daylight habitat
Something cute and clever written on the welcome mat
Floating in the Dead Sea with the carnivorous bats

I count all my blessings, but I’m never exact
If I could capture life, all the joy, I’d extract
I’d collect it in vials
Practice careful self-denial
Clear my parameters of all the mesophiles
You know what used to kill me, the sound of the dial

I’m starting fresh
I hold my breath
Decide to trust nobody with the data I obtain
Draw circles with fine-point pens
Contemplate what there is to gain
Am I really bored enough to self-inflict pain?
(I think if God was here he’d tell me I was going insane)

I don’t do it, but I strongly consider
Calling your contact, hearing the telephone dial
Listening to it ring for what’s taking a while
Letting disappointment take over my smile
Crying in the laboratory like a confused child

Drinking my tinted-pink, happiness-filled vial
And not even caring about what neurotransmitters I mess up
Because I’m just trying to get over what remains of you
I’m a girl in a lab coat with a career I love
But it’s three in the morning
I know nothing else to do

I no longer have you
I know nothing else to do
I spit out my sample
With these coping mechanisms, I’m through

I clean up the chaos
I open my eyes
I do what I do best, I stand back and analyze
But I can’t stop thinking about you gripping my thighs
Except enough time has passed that I don’t get the butterflies
I realize you were my absolute favourite thing to idolize
The dismissive things you said, I made sure to memorize
If I was to rely on you, I would quickly recognize

Swallowing a vial of joy wouldn’t contain memories of you
All my good times in life, you had nothing with to do
It was me that was there
Not you

When I was truly happy
It was me that was there
Not you

And no matter how much time passes, I’ll remain grateful that we’re through
When I was truly happy,
It was me that was there

Not you

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Poem: Femoral artery (fever dreams)

Poem: Femoral artery (fever dreams)

I watch you when you’re bad
I take careful notes
I set them on fire and summon gentle ghosts
They won’t scare you or hurt you the most
Nothing like true love taken away, not even close

I’m sixteen in a few days, I’m trapped in this body
I want you to mimic a system like monoclonal antibodies
Feed the hunger
Burn the rage
Set flames to whom I accused you of being
Prove me wrong
Come as a surprise
I’m finding I don’t make the impression that I imply
Sunsets after jazz concerts on the lawn
I try to find stingrays in the ocean when I swim
I think if this life is a fight, then I’ll most likely win
But they’re doing a good job of telling God that I sinned

Like fever dreams
Like soft doeskin
That came from a being you shouldn’t have touched
I wonder at what point will it all be enough
Blew smoke in his face, he tried calling my bluff
I wake up strong, but I wouldn’t say I’m tough
My wrists are so small the cops use child handcuffs
I wish I was making all this stuff up

To live a romantic life is to surrender to passion
With the weather today, I would say it’s not in fashion
Love for me will never be everlasting

I want it to be
I desperately hope
But we always lose the ones we love the most
They hit your bare knees, the cascading blue waves
Make you stay up pacing around for days
I don’t have the time, and I’ve lost my own place
I was so far ahead
I was almost there
I thought I was close
I was almost there
I choked on my insides
I was almost there
I saw my femoral artery
Blood soaked my white underwear

Like fever dreams
Like soft doeskin
That you’ll always regret purchasing because your ex-girlfriend was a vegan and the way she wears pink ribbons in her ash blonde hair makes you go wild
You act like a child
And I wouldn’t even say your advantage was mild
Knock on my door
Stay a while
I’ll only be happy watching you char in the fire

I know the feeling
I know the daze
I know the brilliant, beautiful Autumn haze
I know Fridays spent alone and solitary Sundays
I’ll only respect you if you participate in the chase
And God, I love it when you try to plead your case
You lost the bet
The cops know you
You think you get me, but I don’t believe that’s true
You’re only with her because there’s nothing else to do

Playing with marbles on the carpet, so they don’t roll too far away
I don’t have the time
I’ve lost my own place
But I clean up nice and live my life with grace

You’re lucky I won’t let you see me face-to-face
You won’t forget my brutality for several days
It’s my milk white gentleness that you can’t replace
I used to tell you I love you, but now I’ll rephrase

The kind of girl you wish you had for the holidays
The kind of girl you wish you had for the holidays
The kind of girl you wish you had for the holidays
As vital to the body as acetylcholinesterase

It’s my resilient nature that will get me through this phase
I used to tell you I love you, but now I’ll rephrase

Lilac Dove

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Poem: Your short poem

Poem: Your short poem

I’m going to write a short poem for you
Because your attention span in regard to me is dim, like my light
Like species survival in the afternoons by the Caribbean seas
Like a sunset that I swallowed because I was hungry and cold
How you lit me a half-broken cigarette, said I was engaging and bold
You shined your white teeth and like heaven I was sold

I took a section of your brain to look for “Fos” proteins to see which neurons were active
And I saw a glimpse of you and me on the playground
You were wearing blue jeans
Grass stains and all
I was wearing a pink gown like I was dressed for the ball
We were talking about being together and having it all
The wind blew
I got cold
You cradled me like a baby
Asked me to move in with you, I said screw you, maybe
I was so happy
I gleamed
Loyal like a preteen
So high on amphetamines
You kissed me on Seafoam boulevard, amongst the serene
By the ocean, strawberry cream lotion
Patches of snow, circles of rainfall
I’m in love with how you’re seventy-four inches tall
You call me graceful, for I’m patient and small
Call me once, just one phone call

Arachnoid hematomas
So thin you could see through my veins
Put me on the back of your bike, make me hold you real tight
Heaven shines in my eyes, it’s fluorescent and bright
White cerebral wave light
The stars and the apocalyptic tides
The places where my sensitivities hide

In your harsh but kind gaze I reside, and I don’t know why, I don’t know why

I wanted to write you a short poem
Because I can’t forget how much you mean to me
So I put words together, loosely, and tied them with a silver string
I asked you to light me up in the dark
But your attention span in regard to me is dim
Like my light

There is a light that always goes out