Tag: personal poem

Free verse poem: Things I’ve found out (the right season)

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Things I’ve found out (the right season)

a free verse poem about finding stability & self-acceptance

I know
That things won’t work out as planned
I know that
Because my mother taught me how to be a man
But there are
Parts of me that won’t let someone hold my hand
Because I
Because I
Find graveyards appealing
Harsh winter thunderstorms healing
And the chaos within you is quite often revealing
Of the doom and dismay your surroundings convey
The filth
The agony
The dreams others built for you become destroyed
I’m my own person

But when I drive home at night
I don’t feel alone
I just know I am

It was cold in Chicago
And I wanted to lay down
In the snow
My frail body
Seldom appears melancholy
Singing you songs, breathlessly, to you in your sleep
Though my voice is never the right pitch
Maybe that’s why I wait
Until you hit your steady dream state
An abyss of perpetual ignorance to moral obligations

The impatience
Is testing me
Like a ticking clock
Telling me
I
Haven’t painted
The sky quite right
Haven’t gotten the stars
To my audience’s delight
And I think
I might combust
From the tainted, porcelain figure I often wish to set on fire
Because what burns
Feels so warm
In winter

It’s almost
February
The anniversary of
A thousand slumbers
A rainfall that struck me like
Lightning on the fast lane on the highway
Swerving between cars with my eyes closed
Thinking I’m oh – I’m just so composed
But me, parchment paper thick, practically comatose
Wouldn’t keep anyone up at night
When you haven’t
Made a name
For yourself
And nobody
Gets the intonation
In your full name quite right
Maybe it’s not
The right time
To say

That what burns feels so warm
In winter
My god
The shades of blue
How I’d devour the skyline
Like an arsonist,
I fade to grey
Along with the trembling cityscape

I encapsulate all the seasons & am easily forgotten

I only hope to properly portray
The vacancy light in this hotel I occupy

Me,
Against the wall
Cold, doll-like, confused
Fingertips
Painted the lightest shade of pink that the nail salon could offer me
If only,
I could be elegant
I could like parts of myself that others don’t
I could live my life like
My father envisioned

When he said to me

That I was born
In the perfect season
For a girl who prolongs
Finding a reason
To burn this place down to the ground

Hollow
Cave
Where my old journals remain
Where ex-boyfriends mispronounce my last name
They never remember the best parts of you
They never really knew
How to get through
How your eyes turn dark green when your favourite song comes on
Or when the colour temperature is five thousand Kelvin and
I feel ashamed
That I woke up to find
Myself
Not in embers
But filling a body
With wholeness that only

Real self-acceptance could develop and create

Something permanent
Is never
Found

I’m no good with directions but I don’t believe I’m lost
I’m exactly
On my own two feet
Waiting
To leave a message after the beep

But I hang up, because I remember
They can’t pronounce my last name
The intonation
Is weak
And I
Am so
Much farther than I thought I would be
At this time of my life
Are you, at all, surprised?

When I look
At the cars
Passing me by
On the highway,
I wonder
If they’re going
Somewhere warm and inviting

I don’t know why
That
To me
Feels so terribly frightening

Like a cradle filled with endless lightning

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Poem: How little I meant

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Poem: How little I meant

Live in modest obscurity
Classic California beach living
Sunglasses, shades, Maseratis, fast cars, soda pop
A life that has been glamorized
Or so I had hypothesized
He wouldn’t even be reading in between my lines
Too busy thinking about himself all the time

Perhaps a few motels overlooking the coast
Empty parking lots
Paint a vision for yourself
Soft ice cream in all good health
Said you were sober, had liquor on the top shelf
Honey, I thought you loved yourself

Ladies, you know me for my diamonds
I’ll show you everything sparkly that’s designer
That girl you once knew, you’re right behind her
To enjoy the high life without mascara on
To come to rise with the evening sun
To know how to really know someone
Stay omnipresent – hot, wild, and young
Like every morning, a new life has just begun
Dark spaces for dark traces of ice-cold skeletons
Bones only fit like fragments
Do what you’re told
Let your dream love life in front of you start to unfold

Everything in the right order
Everything in the right order
Everything all the same
Everything all the same

Lying between last quarter and new moon
I figured when we’d talk, we would be with each other soon
There are words on my body, on yours – video game cartoons
You never meant to express how little I meant to you

I started noticing in conversation
When the focus was on us, you lacked elation
I quit my work for you, I gave up waiting
I became so exhausted not living, but waiting
I tried to show you I was patient
You hate yourself like you’re tainted
Letting of go of the dream that one day you and I would make it

Now I’m in the doorway, sort of half-naked
I’m alone, but I’m tranquil, and nothing you do will change it

I’m alone but I’m tranquil
Nothing you do will change it

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Poem: On the balcony (Merry Christmas)

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Poem: On the balcony (Merry Christmas)

I thought about how you didn’t say Merry Christmas
Even though it’s my most favourite of holidays
I thought of all the rainy dates
The sombre, cold Saturdays
Square cross-sections of apple-green pyroxene
Hand over my mouth while I scream
The antagonism of adenosine by caffeine
The nights of unconditional pain
Nothing to lose, nothing to gain
I thought of you as my John Wayne
Only my devotion remained the same

Daffodils paint your iridescent smile
I always try to get you to stay for a longer while
I’m not who you’re looking for, but I’m trying
The roses I buy myself are perpetually dying
If you bought them for me, they’d stay alive
They’d put their hands on my shoulders when they’d come on by
I’d never have to come up with a reason why
When you’re faithful and in love
There’s no reason to lie

I nailed death decrepit, got it in centuries-old buildings
You throw away all the invitations to friends’ weddings
I’d love to meet your family
I’d love to meet your friends
I’d love to meet anybody that admires the time you spend
Fixing up daisies
Mowing the lawn
You softened my view of right and wrong
You made me too vague to quite belong

Falling out of love with someone you’ve loved for so long
Sounds an awful lot like an unfamiliar song

But I’m learning the chords
Your vinyl collection, of course
You want me to play housewife and do all your chores
But with my pale blonde hair you still manage to get bored
The hollowness in my eyes has become an eyesore
So when I look directly at you, you just choose to ignore
And I wait at the docks, my knees up to the shore
If I asked you for freedom, you couldn’t give me any more
Spoke to me like a virgin
Told the world I was a whore

I could leave tomorrow
You wouldn’t say goodbye
It was my absolute most favourite holiday
And you must have forgotten that brilliant thing you had to say
My friends keep saying this time I need to stay away
No more watering the garden
No more child-like play
Find me reminiscing in your spot in the doorway
Nostalgia too much to bear
Your petit-mal seizure stare
I’m not quite there
But I’m almost halfway

I molded you into a diamond
You decayed that way
Now you’re so lost in thought that you’re digging your own grave
I’m upset my soft face can’t bring you back
Been trying to determine what it is I lack
It’s so sad to see you so worn out like that
My words are so useless, coated in coal-black
You’re so sober when you drink your cognac
I keep thinking of this one hazy flashback

It’s you and me on the balcony
But this time you’re in love with me

I’m not who you’re looking for, but I’m trying
The roses I buy myself are perpetually dying
If you bought them for me, they’d stay alive
They’d put their hands on my shoulders when they’d come on by
I’d never have to come up with a reason why
When you’re faithful and in love
There’s no reason to lie

You only see black & white but I’m lilac
You only see in me all the things I lack
A heroin dream that begins and ends with black

I know I said forever, but I’m not coming back
I know I said forever, but I’m not coming back

It’s you and me on the balcony
But this time you’re in love with me
I know I said forever, but I’m not coming back
But this time you’re in love with me

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Poem: Real love is heavenly

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Poem: Real love is heavenly

Essence of a modern girl
I promise if I fall in love with you, I’ll give you the whole world
Stars and spaceships are what I’m made of
My high ballet bun is your favourite
I sit on the hoods of F-150s and smoke your last pack of menthols
You miss hearing me speak? Pick up the phone, and then call
I’m softer this time, I’m breaking out of these cell walls
I climb the stairs to the roof, close my eyes, and then fall

I taste like strawberries
You like me already
I’m getting afraid of when I have to tell you the ending
It’s painful on purpose
It’s an accident you found me
I think there’s a way we can do this real sweetly
And I see your wisdom and kindness in every strong tree
You have my warmest regards, you’re now protected by me
Benevolence is my new form of safety
Gentle reminders that I can live carefree

Real love is heavenly
Real love is meant to be
Real love is white roses and a cup of Earl Grey tea
And I had the growing feeling that it just wasn’t meant for me
I sing real softly
I can’t stop coughing
I want for you and me to do all these things with honesty
The honeymoon period, the vividness of novelty
I live a sincere life of literature and botany
But I have these things, they’ve really been haunting me
I hate to digress
I do it unconsciously

I don’t want to lie to myself
It hurts my self-esteem, it affects my health
I’ve got this adorable greeting card on my bookshelf
I’m saving it for a month’s anniversary with my future boy
I want to celebrate every minute
Scatter patience and joy
Erase the mold the last two years has made on my delicate bones
Unwavering
I’m caving in
And I don’t even expect to be loved in return

Trace your skeleton at night
Kiss you twice, hold you tight
If you have me by your side, you will always be alright
Best girlfriend of the year
I eat lunch alone, right here
Maybe you could sit down with me and tell me all your biggest fears

I feel love inside me
I spread it everywhere
When’s the last time you looked at someone and really felt that they cared?

I’ll sit right beside you
I promise I’ll be right there
If you can’t see your grandeur, I’ll make you aware

For such a small person, I have so much to share
I’ll sit right beside you
I’ll be right there

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Poem: Happiness collected in a vial

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Poem: Happiness collected in a vial (Crying in the laboratory like a confused child)

I didn’t mean to make you cry
Kiss your fights goodbye
You asked why I was leaving, I gave you six reasons why
I had so many more
You slammed my front door
You thought you were entitled, thought you had me by du jour
I was addicted to the waves but began to feel so unsure

Stoicism is hard to connect with
You don’t have to figure it tomorrow
It’s about me becoming more secure, so I can choose a more secure man
Some look out for themselves like it’s their only chain of command
And others are more romantic
They’ll be there waiting for you at midnight when your plane lands
They won’t walk all over the ground on which your thin legs stand
They’ll open doors for you and make evening plans
They’ll play with you, and make castles out of the sand
It doesn’t have to be only pain for me to withstand
I think that’s what makes life so promising and grand

Life can be golden
Real hopes unfolded
I’m flowing, soft; I’m fluid molten
You see me running, you scream for me to stop
I’m a real class act, I’m awaiting your applause
I feel I’m being evaluated like I’m on the job
I’m sensitive, I think you forgot
Less capable of dealing with emotions than fractures or blood clots
I recognize this shade of red
You’re forever in my thoughts

It doesn’t have to be hard
Don’t believe all the others
They only know the love that was given to their mothers
And if we’re going to live together, we better try to understand each other
I’m patient and caring, especially to my lover
He’s the luckiest boy
I like them more when they’re rougher
In private, they’re soft around you and with raindrops they smother
But it feels like God knows you can be much tougher
And it feels like God knows your mind needs to rest
And it feels like God knows you deserve only the best
The last disaster you went through was nothing but a test

Good looks come in handy, notably being best-dressed
It’s how you compose yourself when you’re at your most stressed
You say I’m superficial
Please, I’m from the Midwest
I don’t respect positions where people leave themselves unexpressed
I seduce the chaos, I disquiet unrest
To engage in behavior simply out of self-interest
You have to be okay with crashing parties as an unwelcome guest
We’ll have the most fun
Chardonnay with the sun
We felt so late in our lives, but the times have just begun
I’ll tell you a secret
You’ll be the only recipient
Put down your drink and make me feel like someone

Before I dissolve into bitter obsolescence
I ask myself
How do I feel in your presence?
The good has to far outweigh the bad
I take all of my differently-shaped pills
I still remain sad
It’s crawling out of the pit, that turns you mad
When the ground hardens, it punctures your back
And every new sting feels just like an attack
For you, I’d give anything at the drop of a hat
But if you want me like this, well then I’ll turn out like that
Thursdays I read the news, next to my Siamese cat
My five-thousand Kelvin lightbulb – my daylight habitat
Something cute and clever written on the welcome mat
Floating in the Dead Sea with the carnivorous bats

I count all my blessings, but I’m never exact
If I could capture life, all the joy, I’d extract
I’d collect it in vials
Practice careful self-denial
Clear my parameters of all the mesophiles
You know what used to kill me, the sound of the dial

I’m starting fresh
I hold my breath
Decide to trust nobody with the data I obtain
Draw circles with fine-point pens
Contemplate what there is to gain
Am I really bored enough to self-inflict pain?
(I think if God was here he’d tell me I was going insane)

I don’t do it, but I strongly consider
Calling your contact, hearing the telephone dial
Listening to it ring for what’s taking a while
Letting disappointment take over my smile
Crying in the laboratory like a confused child

Drinking my tinted-pink, happiness-filled vial
And not even caring about what neurotransmitters I mess up
Because I’m just trying to get over what remains of you
I’m a girl in a lab coat with a career I love
But it’s three in the morning
I know nothing else to do

I no longer have you
I know nothing else to do
I spit out my sample
With these coping mechanisms, I’m through

I clean up the chaos
I open my eyes
I do what I do best, I stand back and analyze
But I can’t stop thinking about you gripping my thighs
Except enough time has passed that I don’t get the butterflies
I realize you were my absolute favourite thing to idolize
The dismissive things you said, I made sure to memorize
If I was to rely on you, I would quickly recognize

Swallowing a vial of joy wouldn’t contain memories of you
All my good times in life, you had nothing with to do
It was me that was there
Not you

When I was truly happy
It was me that was there
Not you

And no matter how much time passes, I’ll remain grateful that we’re through
When I was truly happy,
It was me that was there

Not you

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