Tag: depression

Poem: Choking on grapes

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Poem: Choking on Grapes

It was on purpose
It wasn’t a mistake
I got
Frostbite
From choking on splinters
Peeling them like grapes

Thin as a needle
You make it seem easy
The ploughing is destroying the peyote
And I have created a party for you, the reason for my demise
I’ve been so intrigued ever since you rolled down the window for me to feel the breeze

You will always have the medicine with you
Wherever you go

Poem: Choking on Grapes, continued

In Texas, I felt free because the gas was cheap, and I had salt in my
Teeth
Washing my brand-new blue jeans
Wheat fields and a can of cola, riding in the bed of a truck looking over my shoulder
Tired of having nobody to say anything to
I feel alone and even though I’m used to it
I still have to shrug it off, it seems
A fig tree standing for no one

Pharmacology is lovely & my favourite toothpaste is by Arm & Hammer
I drive to the nearby Rite Aid, where I get a lottery ticket for my mother
Mixing up my favourite numbers
I never win, but she swears I’m so lucky
I couldn’t spell it out right if you had the guts to call me
The ravens in the sky figured out how to fly
In ways that make girls and boys want to order cameras that run on film
See a kid skateboard home and it’s like it’s 2008
And my hair is blonde
A lavender bush smiling for no one

Poem: Choking on grapes, continued

Cut in half an apricot
Can run for miles; dimes are all I got
My backpack is lilac, because I want the items I own to be beautiful
To represent a part of me that feels eternal
Colour schemes and fever dreams
I get lost
Upside down
Tangled in between two separate swings
Lose and find my favourite things

It must have been on purpose
It was no mistake
Soft cotton
Precious limestone
Overflowing bookcase that survives California earthquakes
Girls are selling their poetry on Instagram and I’m

Still broke
Choking on splinters
Peeling them like grapes

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Love poem: Tired surprise

distantcaveLeave a comment

Welcome to my poetry website! Pink poems are love poems & blue poems are more general “life” poems. Each poem is interrupted by photographs and ends when you’ve reached the SoundCloud portion.

I’m working on a new email newsletter for post updates. xx

Love poem: Tired surprise

I want someone to unwind me
Unravel me & cover me back up with ivory satin
Lying on your bed while we listen to electric guitar
Devour me on purpose
Taste my flesh
Get away with murder in a hospital bed

I want to be
Your lightning and your fire
But calm like a river bed
Give to you what your parents never did
Be like the cool buzz from half a can of beer
Charming, light, open you up to the silliness of life
That I hope you see too, and when we come together
We can make diamonds come alive
Spoon-feed cherry blossoms their evening supper
Truly, and I mean truly
Care for one another

I’m a swan in the water, I’m a storm when I drive
Hands clasped behind his back
He doesn’t want to keep talking about this
But I do
You have to choose somebody that accepts every part of you
For someone who’s often misunderstood
Such will take a long time
I close my eyes and think of how long I’ll be on this ride
Then glance in the mirror, see the twinkle in my eyes
I could be someone’s most beautiful surprise

Calm like a river bed
Charming and light
Not afraid of the deep end, the stones with colours that have never been named
I don’t want to feel ashamed
Of the space I occupy
The words that come out when I haven’t thought carefully enough
I don’t want to be ashamed
Of the person I adore when it’s just me in my room
I told you, I’m forever in bloom
Vacate the room if that’s not cool with you

Sleeping soundly and not wanting to be disturbed
He doesn’t want to keep talking about this
But I do
I do
Thinking about the things that seem to only have meaning for you
It’s exhausting
Time is fragile
A car’s despairing exhaust
The first of December’s crystals of frost

I want someone to unwind me
Because I’m so
Tired

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Poem: A city that’s lit by hesitation

distantcaveLeave a comment

Welcome to my poetry website! Pink poems are love poems & blue poems are more general “life” poems. Each poem is interrupted by photographs and ends when you’ve reached the SoundCloud portion.

I’m working on a new email newsletter for post updates. xx

Poem: A city that’s lit by hesitation

I love when you spin your head towards the sea
Make little effort in getting to know me
Velveteen pink intoxicates you & gets you unglued
Turkish golds in Marina del Rey
Thought it was ironic I had no memories of that day
We could pull the cord at the same time

He said
He falls in love way too soon
Well, that’s one way to push me away
Cos if you don’t
Want the love I’m giving you
That’s one way to guarantee I won’t stay

Free-er than a girl in a sundress in a field of crystallized diamonds and wildflowers
Did I hype you up too much
I’m so used to sitting on the sidelines
Perhaps I talked about my love for Chicago a bit much
You temporize your moves to buy some time
In the lights of the city, the hypnotic haze
We were strolling along
And I was thinking
I could really be just about anyone

It’s not my cashmere
Tiffany & Co’s, 2 pairs, credit card swipe
Not about that, huh, too lavish for ya, huh
I’m simple, I’m homemade, I might’ve been
Too much of me for the you that you were showing me when you were standing with a cigarette & I thought you should dispose of that properly in a trash can
Life’s so lavish when it’s only you that’s there for you
I don’t live like that
And I was thinking
I could really be any other girl

He said
He falls in love way too soon
I thought well if that’s so, you should call a cab
Cos I know a love that’s stronger than that
Now that’s one way to push me away
Cos if you don’t
Want the love I’m giving you
Yeah, that’s one way to collapse my stay

I’m in bloom every second of every day
Chrysanthemums growing from the ends of my painted fingernails
Met a guy that didn’t want to get me cut flowers
I thought that’s no way to get through to me
My skin grows every time I bleed
Like just about everyone else in the universe
But I want to matter
I want to be more than a body
I want to be a safe haven
Now that’s one way to push me away
I thought he should really call a cab

Born to sit on a staircase sippin’ a blue raspberry Icee
Dandelions folding around my shoulders
Cut it until it bleeds
Unfold it until you find the serenity
You locked away for nights like these

He said
He falls in love way too soon
I thought
He should
Really call himself a cab

With city lights like these

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Poem: A million shelves

distantcaveLeave a comment

Welcome to my poetry website! Pink poems are love poems & blue poems are more general “life” poems. Each poem is interrupted by photographs and ends when you’ve reached the SoundCloud portion. I’m currently testing a Push notification application. xx

Poem: A million shelves

A maroon carcass that rests gently on the edge of the seashore
Fresh propane tank
Exclusively at your local corner store
Wearing my baby blue doll dress
Headaches from thinking about it

What we’ve been through
I see it in the corners of this melting igloo
Turn up the temperature
Sit on the fire escape, heavenly embrace
Homemade campfire, fire burning up your home
As the water droplets cascade down
I see fiber nectar start to turn upside down

Look through the hole on your door
To see who’s been knocking all night long
Cut the stems from fresh flowers in that old vase
Hasn’t lost its sparkle
The years are like lightning cables, but I’m so stable
Looking through the hole in my door
To see who’s been scraping at my windshield all night long

A poem about choosing whether to renovate oneself.

Such a romantic scene, velvet slippers & cleaning-service-fresh satin
Mop up discarded memories
I aim to please, I aim to please
Now I put myself first
And the whole world is to burn
Too busy listening to jazz to look through the hole in the door
You can leave a note
You can leave a note

Notebook paper by my bedside
Ash covers my deep green eyes
You’d think I’d be surprised
That disks of memories still replay in my mind
While I drive in the rain
Smiling, smiling all the way
Thunder shifting my car
Absolving into the reminisce that is the end of this year

Turn up the temperature
Sit on the fire escape
You tell people not to do what you really want them to
Leave a note
Leave a note

Be the bigger man
Nine minutes until the fan
Turns off for the evening & I’m left to writhe in this heat

Look after me
Don’t look behind yourself when you walk down the street
Holding a pomegranate smoothie
Writing my website in sharpie on street signs

Be the bigger man
Cradle your face in your hands
Turn up the temperature
Turn off the faucet
Sit on the fire escape
Leave a note and then toss it

The trash can that held a million versions of your most real self

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Love poem: Satin sheets/myelin sheaths

distantcaveLeave a comment

Welcome to my poetry website! Pink poems are love poems & blue poems are more general “life” poems. Each poem is interrupted by photographs and ends when you’ve reached the Soundcloud portion. I’m currently testing a Push notification application. xx

Myelin sheath: an insulating layer that forms around nerves, including those in the brain & spinal cord

Love poem: Satin sheets/myelin sheaths

Softening
Softening once more
Softening even further, forever more

This gentle life
And you wish your poetry posts got as much attention as your self-portraits do
How’s that supposed to feel?
I’m in knots, I haven’t not gotten over you
Arachnids spinning cobwebs in my mind
The glass mirror looks so good, so perfectly together
You would smash it to pieces if I’d let you just try

Standing on the edge of a river
Pebbles holding me, I hold them back
I am safe with myself
(I am only safe with myself)
How’s that supposed to feel?
Adjust my glasses & play with the cobwebs
I’m spinning like an obsolete carousel in violent orange & blue, wicked flames

As arachnids spin webs in the tiny spaces between my neurons
They know the pharmacology I don’t
They watch the synapses like cityscapes
Like a vintage cinema screen
How’s that feel?
How’s that feel to me?
Hold the cross on my necklace to remind me that there’s more
There’s more across this river
Want to lay down, but I don’t think I’d ever get up from this
Bed of flowers
Holding cobwebs
Paying attention to what nobody pays attention to
Dream world for sure

I’m a very good swimmer
I can’t even fake drown
My body sure does love me
And I love it too, for the first time in twenty-something years
A drive-by shooting that sounds like bursting fireworks
Illegal in California but on wholesale in the suburbs of Texas
The wildlife
Skips across the myelin sheath of my brain
How’s that feel?
How’s that really feel, to me?

You’re mowing your lawn & cursing every girl you ever met
Honey, I can’t get behind that
The fuzzy pedals of arachnids
Sewing me white satin dreamscapes
Dissolve right in, come dissolve right in
Not my time to free you from the confines of your mind

The arches of my body
Oh, they love me, they really love me
Neck pain so bad it wakes me up in the middle of the night
Play your electric guitar,
Solve your computer security program
Do it far away from me
I’m kissing spiders when I sleep

Oh, how much they love me
Oh, how much I love them in return
Maybe they’ll rearrange my spinal cord
So I won’t have to hurt

Then I won’t have to hurt
Arachnids sewing me white, satin dreamscapes
Trembling softly, getting softer
Forever more

Oh, how much they love me
Oh, how much I love them in return
Oh, how this city feels
Like it’s evacuating me

Trembling softly
Getting softer
I’m in love with cobwebs that are in love with me

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