We’re sitting down at a soft-lit diner You’re asking about my old man, the coal miner I think of soft petals when I see you
Your grey truck is parked out front There’s flowers in my hair and flowers in my hands The only arguments we have are about who are the best bands And I always win I always win
You listen to the things I say, like they’re important And your gorgeous pale skin is coming to focus I’m not sure when I want to press the shutter Because I just love looking at you like this Ambivalent Pink kiss Collagen lips I love looking at you like this
This is about the time that I begin to get paranoid But, no My gaze is on you The sky interrupts me into pieces I have nothing to be guilty about I think I’ve got it figured out
I’m madly in heaven; the ocean is crisp The sea makes me forget about the bitter drip Your eyes are magnified
Ambivalent Pink kiss Collagen lips I love looking at you like this
I found myself without inspiration So I didn’t write for weeks I think you know I think you know If I took your hand, where I would lead you to
I have nothing to be guilty about This time around This time around I’m running away from you on the playground I’m running away from you on the playground
Your voice is my new favourite sound I say to you Speak loud
This time around This time around I’m running away from you on the playground Your voice is my new favourite sound Your voice is my new favourite sound
The ocean is crisp I love looking at you like this
I thought about how you didn’t say Merry Christmas Even though it’s my most favourite of holidays I thought of all the rainy dates The sombre, cold Saturdays Square cross-sections of apple-green pyroxene Hand over my mouth while I scream The antagonism of adenosine by caffeine The nights of unconditional pain Nothing to lose, nothing to gain I thought of you as my John Wayne Only my devotion remained the same
Daffodils paint your iridescent smile I always try to get you to stay for a longer while I’m not who you’re looking for, but I’m trying The roses I buy myself are perpetually dying If you bought them for me, they’d stay alive They’d put their hands on my shoulders when they’d come on by I’d never have to come up with a reason why When you’re faithful and in love There’s no reason to lie
I nailed death decrepit, got it in centuries-old buildings You throw away all the invitations to friends’ weddings I’d love to meet your family I’d love to meet your friends I’d love to meet anybody that admires the time you spend Fixing up daisies Mowing the lawn You softened my view of right and wrong You made me too vague to quite belong
Falling out of love with someone you’ve loved for so long Sounds an awful lot like an unfamiliar song
But I’m learning the chords Your vinyl collection, of course You want me to play housewife and do all your chores But with my pale blonde hair you still manage to get bored The hollowness in my eyes has become an eyesore So when I look directly at you, you just choose to ignore And I wait at the docks, my knees up to the shore If I asked you for freedom, you couldn’t give me any more Spoke to me like a virgin Told the world I was a whore
I could leave tomorrow You wouldn’t say goodbye It was my absolute most favourite holiday And you must have forgotten that brilliant thing you had to say My friends keep saying this time I need to stay away No more watering the garden No more child-like play Find me reminiscing in your spot in the doorway Nostalgia too much to bear Your petit-mal seizure stare I’m not quite there But I’m almost halfway
I molded you into a diamond You decayed that way Now you’re so lost in thought that you’re digging your own grave I’m upset my soft face can’t bring you back Been trying to determine what it is I lack It’s so sad to see you so worn out like that My words are so useless, coated in coal-black You’re so sober when you drink your cognac I keep thinking of this one hazy flashback
It’s you and me on the balcony But this time you’re in love with me
I’m not who you’re looking for, but I’m trying The roses I buy myself are perpetually dying If you bought them for me, they’d stay alive They’d put their hands on my shoulders when they’d come on by I’d never have to come up with a reason why When you’re faithful and in love There’s no reason to lie
You only see black & white but I’m lilac You only see in me all the things I lack A heroin dream that begins and ends with black
I know I said forever, but I’m not coming back I know I said forever, but I’m not coming back
It’s you and me on the balcony But this time you’re in love with me I know I said forever, but I’m not coming back But this time you’re in love with me
I’m a very kind and gracious girl If you let me, I will give you the world But as the brutality of this world continues to unfold My mirror’s edge is veiled, my patience can’t be sold
Give me your garden Make everything quiet I swear I’m prettiest when I’m not lying I won’t give up hoping, I won’t stop trying But it would be a piece of fiction to say I don’t dream of dying
You’re laughing at me My blonde hair blows in the breeze I will prevail, even though they’re dead-set on bringing long-lasting harm to me I see through the trees When I run, you freeze Collapsing in child’s fables isn’t only for the weak Take me with you I want to know what God knows Don’t be scared of the nighttime In the darkest hours, I’m most composed
The more you grow up, the smarter you think you are But in the same circumstances, you always lose yourself I collect hard-cover books of flowers & death spells I know all the wonderful roses by their first and last names I play with my sanity like it’s my favourite win-or-lose game You were always so harsh But me? Oh, so tame Didn’t know how to respond to all the accusations and shame I hate you, I love you It all sounded the same
I’ve decided to take my most loved photo of us down from my shelf I thought it proved we were real The space between you and myself But my mitral valve is still broken, so I can’t afford to inconvenience oneself Though our smiles were true You said it yourself Never seen a girl look at you so warm and heartfelt It hurts now But it didn’t back then Those split seconds repeat in my mind, again and again You were my prince, my most handsome immunogen You said I stunned in my floral dress Dainty and parisienne
I know this frail body wasn’t exactly built to please I’m a young girl too – I have restraint, but I have needs My singleness of purpose is far too remote I tend to break up with boys by posting poems I wrote When I was at my most fragile, I asked you for a rose Your promises were painful because I never got those
But your perseverance to love me will be your best power I stay up wondering how to please you I only sleep a few hours Me at my most tired is me at my most sour How much more beautiful do I need to be, in order to receive a white flower? I’m sort of like a princess stuck at the crown of a tower My father’s hung flyers for the peasants and princes to form a line Some of them have courage Some barely have a spine The common denominator seems to be they’re all trying But if you said it’s to impress me, I’d say that you’re lying
Several days ago, I bought roses To make myself smile I didn’t change the water Just like me, they’re dying
Winters in Chicago were when I felt my most free The wind chill was so strong, I felt it belonged to me It didn’t matter that it was a lake, I still saw it as the sea All I remember are evenings at Argo Tea Feeling happy, just to be me
You must have composure, you must be determined I’m taking care of myself, I’m doing it on purpose The December chill confronts me with things I am sure of Like how spontaneously great heights can collapse Like how the disillusioned are most likely to relapse Like how I felt, true love was almost in my grasp
But as the fog on my window, it visited and then passed It disappeared just like that I’m trying not to react
I’m screaming into my pillow (I’m trying not to react) I’m folding laundry to feel productive (I’m scared of whom I’ll attract) I lied to everybody & said I was fine (I was so scared the whole time) I’m taking every analeptic (I write your name, strike it out with a line)
I picture me in your backyard, Picking grapes off the vine I cried the whole way home, driving past the coastline I thought I didn’t deserve beauty, God doesn’t want me on cloud nine So I hit up your number, Forgot you were atropine And now I’m having trouble sleeping because you aren’t my lifeline I tell you I need you! You say, maybe next time “I’ve got a girl here, she’s helping me escape my mind”
To some people, I’m gorgeous To you, I’m saccharine But everything I am, you will always undermine I’m not your chosen one Never your valentine
I’m the one that treads water Looking for reasons to be alive
If you were safety, you wouldn’t give me your hand You’d sail towards what suits you The palm trees, the sand
I would get tired Give up and drown You wouldn’t say sorry, because you wouldn’t be around
The water obscures my hearing The green-blue current is the only sound I wanted to be loved, the void was what I found But the ocean is my new bliss, so I fade into the background I’m five again, I’ve found my new playground
I would get tired Give up and drown You wouldn’t say sorry, you wouldn’t be around I’m five again, I’ve found my new playground The sea has become my chosen burial ground The green-blue current is the only sound
The void is what I felt, but true love is what I found
I’m getting better at glamorizing myself I like my safety pins and textbooks neat on the shelf Can I have your permission to be ambivalent About my whereabouts? Don’t ask me why Don’t ask me why Don’t tell me not to cry Don’t tell me not to cry If God is mean and bad, then that makes sense Why does he let the ones I love die Why does he let the ones I love die Don’t tell me why
Don’t ask me why Don’t ask me why Don’t tell me not to cry Don’t tell me not to cry
Well, I met with your father at the café We talked about you, pretty much the entire day He said how you’ll have it is how you’ll have your own way I’m too left I’m too left Toughen up Toughen up Decay is pressed petals and sorrow intertwined within one membrane The words just spill onto the pages I’m not even thinking as I’m writing, maybe
Collapse onto me, I swear to god, I’ll let you love me Don’t suck your thumb at me Roses and thorns, yeah, roses and thorns Roses and thorns, yeah, roses and thorns I like the way you cross your eyes Yeah, I only really hang out with guys Since my best girl friend hung herself out to dry
I’m not even thinking as I’m writing, maybe The words just spill onto the pages The words just spill onto the pages The words just spill onto the pages The words just spill onto the pages
When I threw away the dying white roses you bought for me I almost cried myself to death When I touched the petals (They were so soft) Like me Untouched Delicate You robbed me of my own sanity And it got so fucked I broke away from reality
You robbed me of my own sanity
Take your medication, baby, please don’t stop Taking your medication I care so much for you that my heart keeps breaking Because you’re not next to me in bed and I can’t fall asleep because I’m shaking I’m so afraid of you But I’m more afraid of what I’m going to do without you Do you have any idea how much I love you?
Sweet river beds I leaned against your car smoking like I’m from Tennessee And you weren’t even man enough to comfort me You like to call it “enabling” But a girl crying over you will only stop crying when you touch her Hold her like it’s your last day alive And you know the last memories are the memories we keep But all I can think of is you screaming at me You were screaming at me But you said you were in love with me
You robbed me of my own sanity But it was only because I was too insane to see You weren’t good for me You weren’t good for me James Davies You were never my safety
I’m so helpless, it’s scary
Though I know Monday morning I’ll wake up Sipping my L-theanine-filled green tea in my Moscow teacup I won’t text you Won’t say wassup Because you and I are no longer Babe, I hope you take a seat and ponder
How weak you made me
Tears cover my cheekbones I can barely read these pages Felt I’d love you for ages But you tested my patience
